A Monk's Guide to Happiness
Meditation in the 21st Century
Book Edition Details
Summary
"A Monk’s Guide to Happiness (2019) provides readers with a philosophically insightful and practically useful manual on how to break free of suffering and achieve inner peace. Drawing from the author’s 25 years of training at Buddhist monasteries and intensive meditation retreats, the book distills more than two decades of hard-won wisdom."
Introduction
In our relentless pursuit of happiness, we often find ourselves trapped in an endless cycle of seeking fulfillment from external sources. We chase achievements, accumulate possessions, and constantly scroll through curated glimpses of others' lives, yet genuine contentment remains elusive. The modern world offers us countless distractions and quick fixes, but these fleeting pleasures leave us more exhausted and disconnected than before. What if the happiness we desperately seek has been within us all along, waiting to be discovered through the simple practice of turning inward? This ancient wisdom, refined through centuries of contemplative practice, offers a revolutionary approach to finding lasting joy and freedom in our busy, complex lives. Through meditation and mindful awareness, we can break free from the happiness trap and discover an unshakeable source of peace that no external circumstance can disturb.
Break Free from the Happiness Trap
True happiness differs fundamentally from the fleeting highs our culture promotes. We live in times obsessed with feeling good, lurching from one buzz to the next, seeking instant gratification through sugar rushes, caffeine hits, and endless digital stimulation. This pursuit of the happiness "hit" mirrors our addiction to dopamine, which surges before we get what we want and drops away once we obtain it, leaving us perpetually anticipating the next experience rather than arriving at genuine satisfaction. The author discovered this truth firsthand during his transformation from a wild, stressed actor in New York to a Buddhist monk. Living an extremely hectic lifestyle filled with parties, addictions, and dangerous situations, he burned himself out completely, eventually suffering severe stress-related heart problems that left him bedridden for months. This crisis became his wake-up call, leading him to a Tibetan Buddhist monastery in Scotland where he would spend the next twenty-six years learning about the mind's true potential for happiness. During his intensive four-year meditation retreat with twenty other monks, practicing twelve to fourteen hours daily in complete isolation from the outside world, he experienced both the depths of mental anguish and the heights of inner freedom. The retreat was like "open-heart surgery with no anesthetic," forcing him to confront his most painful thoughts and feelings with no escape. Yet through this process, he discovered that happiness is actually a choice, a skill that can be developed through training the mind. The path to genuine happiness begins with understanding that we are hardwired for bliss at our deepest level. Instead of seeking completion through external circumstances, we can learn to access the freedom and contentment that already exist within our awareness. This involves developing the skill of meditation, which helps us step back from the endless cycle of wanting and instead rest in the present moment with complete acceptance. Start by questioning your own happiness habits today. Notice when you reach for external fixes and gently redirect your attention inward. Even a few moments of conscious breathing can begin to reveal the wellspring of contentment that has been waiting within you all along.
Master Your Mind Through Daily Practice
Meditation is not about stopping thoughts or achieving a blank mind, but about changing our relationship with mental activity. We average between 60,000 and 80,000 thoughts per day, most of them repetitive and unhelpful, yet trying to eliminate them creates more stress. The ancient Tibetan saying illustrates this perfectly: "When you run after your thoughts, you're like a dog running after a stick. But if you throw a stick for a lion, he turns around and looks at who threw it." We must become like the lion, investigating the source rather than chasing mental distractions. The author learned this lesson during his early monastic training when his teacher called him "a junkie" for approaching meditation like someone seeking a drug high. He was desperately grasping for special experiences and feelings, which only led to disappointment and depression. His teacher helped him understand that meditation isn't about getting a hit or feeling something particular, but about developing a stable awareness that remains present regardless of what the mind is doing. Through patient practice, he discovered that meditation sessions consist of three valuable phases that repeat continuously. First, we focus on our chosen object like the breath. Second, we notice when the mind has wandered into thoughts. Third, we gently return attention to the focus. Each phase has equal importance because noticing that we've been distracted is actually a moment of success, not failure. We were lost in thoughts but have now found our awareness again, like discovering a precious lost diamond ring. Begin establishing a daily meditation routine by choosing a quiet space and committing to just ten minutes each morning. Sit upright with your eyes softly open, focusing on the sensation of breathing naturally. When you notice your mind has wandered, simply smile inwardly at this moment of awareness and gently return to the breath. Remember that wandering thoughts are not your enemy but opportunities to strengthen your capacity for presence. Build this foundation slowly and consistently, understanding that you're training the skill of awareness itself rather than trying to achieve any particular state. With regular practice, this mental training will transform how you relate to stress, emotions, and challenges throughout your entire day.
Transform Stress into Compassionate Awareness
Modern stress stems primarily from our habits of mental grasping, constantly running after things we want while pushing away what we don't want. The author experienced this firsthand during his acting career in New York, where he lived in constant fear of his own mind, never allowing himself to be alone and always needing loud music to avoid facing his thoughts. This lifestyle of extreme avoidance eventually led to severe burnout, panic attacks, and dangerous heart palpitations that forced him to confront what he'd been running from all along. The four main sources of stress reveal themselves as aspects of grasping: not getting what we want, getting what we don't want, trying to protect what we have, and losing what we love. These patterns trigger our ancient fight-or-flight response repeatedly throughout each day, flooding our systems with cortisol even when sitting safely at a desk. Unlike our ancestors who could run from actual woolly mammoths and then return to peaceful grazing, we remain trapped in a constant state of perceived threat that exhausts our bodies and minds. When the author emerged from his four-year retreat into the modern world, he was shocked by how much faster everything had become. Smartphones were ubiquitous, digital advertising moved constantly past commuters on escalators, and people walked through London like zombies absorbed in their screens. He realized that meditation wasn't a luxury but a survival tool for navigating this increasingly frantic pace of life without losing one's sanity or connection to inner peace. The transformation from stress to awareness happens through practicing micro-moments of mindfulness throughout your day. Choose two or three routine activities like brushing teeth or washing hands, and commit to doing them with complete present-moment awareness for thirty days. Feel the physical sensations, the movement of your body, the texture of objects, without getting lost in mental commentary about the experience. Gradually expand these mindful moments to include waiting situations that normally trigger stress. When stuck in traffic or standing in line, use these moments as opportunities to practice releasing and relaxing rather than tensing up with impatience. This reprograms your nervous system to respond to pressure with spaciousness rather than contraction, fundamentally changing how you move through the world.
Choose Joy in Every Present Moment
True compassion begins with understanding our interconnectedness with all life, recognizing that our happiness and survival depend entirely on others while others depend on us in return. The author learned this profound truth through intensive compassion meditation practices during his longest retreat, where he spent months cultivating loving-kindness even toward difficult people and challenging situations. This practice transformed his relationship with suffering, helping him see that genuine happiness is impossible without acknowledging our fundamental connection to all beings. During his early years as a monk, the author struggled with severe self-hatred and depression, often holding his head in his hands begging for the internal criticism to stop. The breakthrough came when he learned to direct compassion toward his own pain rather than fighting it. Instead of trying to push away the knife-twisting sensation in his heart, he began offering love and kindness to the painful feelings themselves. This radical acceptance became the foundation for his ability to help others, showing him that we must first learn to forgive ourselves before we can truly serve the world. His teaching work in diverse environments, from corporate boardrooms to maximum-security prisons, revealed how universal our suffering is beneath surface differences. In one powerful session with inmates, he helped them reframe the constant sound of clanging metal doors as meditation bells, transforming the very symbols of their confinement into reminders to return to present-moment awareness. The prisoners laughed when he suggested they were getting free meditation retreats, but many began using their incarceration time for genuine mental transformation. The practice of choosing joy involves recognizing that this present moment, exactly as it is, contains everything we need for complete fulfillment. Rather than constantly wishing circumstances were different, we can train ourselves to find the inherent beauty and perfection in whatever arises. This doesn't mean becoming passive or avoiding necessary action, but rather approaching life from a foundation of acceptance rather than resistance. Start each day by setting the intention to dedicate your meditation practice and mindful moments not only to your own benefit but to the happiness of all beings. This compassionate motivation transforms even brief sessions into powerful acts of service, connecting you to something far greater than personal well-being while paradoxically delivering the deep satisfaction your heart has always sought.
Summary
The journey to lasting happiness requires a fundamental shift from seeking fulfillment in external circumstances to discovering the boundless joy that already exists within our own awareness. As this exploration reveals, "happiness is a choice, and something that we can tap into within ourselves" rather than something we must acquire from the world around us. Through regular meditation practice combined with moments of mindful awareness throughout each day, we can break free from the endless cycle of craving and aversion that keeps us trapped in stress and dissatisfaction. The path involves learning to accept whatever arises in our minds with compassionate awareness, understanding our deep interconnection with all life, and choosing to respond to challenges with presence rather than reactivity. Begin today by committing to just ten minutes of daily meditation and three mindful moments throughout your day, remembering that the happiness you seek has been patiently waiting inside you all along, ready to transform not only your own life but to ripple out as a gift of peace to everyone you encounter.
By Gelong Thubten
