Be Where Your Feet Are
Seven Principles to Keep You Present, Grounded, and Thriving
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Summary
In the bustling chaos of life, where speed and success often overshadow genuine connection, Scott O'Neil invites readers to pause and ponder. As the distinguished CEO of the Philadelphia 76ers and New Jersey Devils, O'Neil has navigated the highs and lows of a fast-paced world. Yet, it's in life's quiet, unexpected moments—grief's sharp sting, the poignant silence of solitude—that he finds profound insights. "Be Where Your Feet Are" is a tapestry of wisdom woven from personal trials and triumphs. Through candid interviews with iconic athletes and visionary leaders, O'Neil reveals the art of living purposefully. Here lies a powerful reminder: even amidst life's relentless pace, true fulfillment is found in presence, gratitude, and the courage to transform our own stories.
Introduction
Picture a father walking hand-in-hand with his eleven-year-old daughter along a wooded trail, the autumn leaves crunching beneath their feet. The air is crisp, and for once, his phone is tucked away, silent. This isn't just another weekend outing—this is a moment that will define their relationship forever. As they walk, he shares three simple truths that will anchor her through life's storms: family comes first, everything will always be okay, and he'll be there for anything, anytime. This scene captures the essence of what it means to be truly present in our lives. In our hyperconnected world, we've mastered the art of being everywhere except where we actually are. We scroll through our phones during dinner conversations, our minds race ahead to tomorrow's meetings while our children try to share their day, and we chase an elusive "balance" that leaves us feeling scattered and unfulfilled. But what if there's a different way? What if instead of seeking balance, we learned to be fully present wherever our feet happen to be standing? This journey toward authentic presence isn't about perfection—it's about recognizing that our most meaningful moments happen when we stop dividing our attention and start investing it wholly in the here and now. Through stories of triumph and failure, love and loss, corporate boardrooms and family dinner tables, we'll discover how being present transforms not just our relationships, but our entire experience of living.
Finding Your Presence: The Power of Being Where Your Feet Are
Dave Sholler's story begins in a trailer park just outside Atlantic City, where a ten-year-old boy watched his father being escorted away by police officers. His dad, battling addiction, had been in and out of rehabilitation programs for years, putting the family through an endless cycle of hope and heartbreak. On one particular winter morning, Dave's mother loaded her four young children into their beat-up van to pick up their father from yet another homeless shelter. As they pulled up to the Atlantic City Rescue Mission, Dave noticed another family on the steps—a young woman with three children about the same ages as Dave and his siblings. But this family wasn't there to pick someone up; they were moving in. Everything they owned was stuffed into a single raggedy blue duffel bag. In that moment, ten-year-old Dave realized something profound: no matter how difficult his family's situation seemed, they still had a van to drive home in and a trailer to sleep in that night. That blue duffel bag became his lifelong reminder that perspective is everything. Years later, as a successful communications executive, Dave carries this lesson with him every day. When work stress mounts or life feels overwhelming, he remembers that family on the shelter steps and grounds himself in gratitude. He's learned to compartmentalize his roles completely—when he's with his children, his phone stays silent, and when work demands his full attention, he gives it without reservation. This isn't about achieving perfect balance; it's about being fully present wherever he is. The power of presence isn't found in juggling multiple priorities simultaneously, but in the discipline of singular focus. When we scatter our attention across endless distractions, we dilute our impact in every area. But when we learn to be where our feet are—fully engaged in the current moment—we discover that this presence becomes our greatest gift to ourselves and others.
Embracing Challenge and Change: Trust the Process of Growth
The text message was devastating in its simplicity: "Bad news. Wil has taken his own life." The author's best friend from Harvard Business School, a larger-than-life personality who could convince anyone to join his midnight ice cream runs or spontaneous adventures, was gone. Uncle Wil, as the author's daughters knew him, had succumbed to the depression he'd battled for years. The funeral preparations and the crushing weight of loss that followed would test every principle of resilience and growth the author thought he understood. Standing before a thousand mourners, including two apostles of his church, the author felt inadequate and overwhelmed. This was his best friend's funeral, and he had one chance to honor Wil's memory while providing comfort to his wife and five children. The pressure was immense, but as he spoke from his heart rather than his prepared notes, something shifted. The tears, the raw emotion, the authentic sharing of love and loss—this wasn't about delivering a perfect speech. It was about being present in one of life's most difficult moments. But the real work began after the funeral. The author found himself trapped in a fog of grief, unable to access his usual optimism and energy. For weeks, he struggled to function, feeling lost and disconnected from his purpose. The breakthrough came when he stopped trying to power through the pain and instead allowed himself to fully experience it. He reached out to others, shared his vulnerability, and discovered that isolation was his greatest enemy during this dark period. The journey through grief taught him that changing the race—shifting from trying to outrun pain to learning from it—is essential for growth. Sometimes life demands that we abandon our original course and chart a new path forward. This isn't failure; it's wisdom. When we trust the process of growth, even through our darkest valleys, we emerge not just stronger, but more capable of being present for others who face similar struggles.
Leading with Purpose: Purple Water Buffalo and Positive Intent
The purple water buffalo photo hanging in the garage serves as a daily reminder of what extraordinary teamwork looks like. It originated from a simple question posed to five hundred employees at Madison Square Garden: "Who do you want to be—the tourist who watches life happen, the lion who preys on the weak, the crocodile who attacks when others are down, or the water buffalo who comes together to protect and save their own?" The answer was clear, and the purple water buffalo became their rallying cry for excellence. This principle came alive during Hurricane Katrina when Hugh Weber, president of the New Orleans Hornets, faced an impossible situation. The hurricane had destroyed his team's city, scattered his staff across the country, and ultimately contributed to the end of his marriage. When his ex-wife needed to move to New Jersey to keep their children close to their father, she initially couldn't find a suitable house. The solution was unconventional but profound: she moved in with Hugh, and they began co-parenting under the same roof as divorced partners. Years later, they still live together, putting their children's needs above any personal discomfort or social expectations. Their arrangement might raise eyebrows, but it demonstrates the purple water buffalo mentality in its purest form—sacrificing personal comfort for the greater good of the team, in this case, their family. Their children experience the stability of having both parents present and engaged, even if the family structure looks different from the traditional model. Leading with positive intent means assuming the best about others' motivations, even when their actions might seem puzzling or challenging. When we approach every interaction believing that people are generally good and well-intentioned, we create space for connection and understanding. This doesn't mean being naive or ignoring red flags, but rather choosing to engage with curiosity instead of defensiveness, seeking to understand before seeking to be understood.
Building Meaningful Connections: Family, Faith, and What's Most Important
The hospital room was filled with the beeping of machines and the sterile smell of disinfectant when Michael O'Neil woke up from surgery to remove a tumor from his stomach. At twenty-eight, facing a potential cancer diagnosis, he made a promise that would transform not just his own life, but the lives of millions of patients worldwide. If he survived this ordeal, he would dedicate his talents to improving the patient experience for everyone who followed. That promise, made on a napkin from his breakfast tray, became GetWellNetwork, a company that revolutionized how patients interact with their healthcare. But the real story isn't about business success—it's about how a life-threatening crisis clarified what mattered most. Michael's brush with mortality taught him that our deepest purpose often emerges from our greatest challenges, and that true fulfillment comes from using our gifts to serve others. The author's own journey toward clarity about what's most important took a different form but led to similar conclusions. At forty-seven, despite a successful career and strong family relationships, he felt something was missing. His wife had lived her faith consistently for twenty years, providing spiritual leadership for their family while he participated partially, attending church sporadically and supporting from the sidelines. The decision to fully embrace his faith and be baptized wasn't driven by a dramatic revelation, but by a series of quiet moments that accumulated into certainty. The conversion process required him to examine not just his beliefs, but his priorities. What legacy did he want to leave his daughters? How did he want to spend his remaining years? The answer led him to make faith a cornerstone of his identity, not as an addition to his busy life, but as the foundation that informed everything else. This wasn't about religious doctrine—it was about aligning his daily actions with his deepest values. When we identify what's most important in our lives—whether it's family, faith, service to others, or creative expression—everything else falls into perspective. The urgent emails seem less critical, the social media drama feels trivial, and the endless pursuit of more gives way to a deeper satisfaction with what we already have. This clarity doesn't eliminate challenges, but it provides an anchor that keeps us grounded when life's storms threaten to sweep us away.
Summary
The journey toward presence isn't about achieving perfection or finding some mythical balance between competing priorities. Instead, it's about developing the discipline to be fully engaged wherever life places us in each moment. Through stories of corporate executives learning to pick up literal and figurative pieces of paper on the ground, fathers choosing vulnerability over strength, and individuals discovering that their greatest challenges often reveal their deepest purpose, we see that presence is both a practice and a gift. The seven principles woven throughout these experiences offer a roadmap for anyone seeking more authentic engagement with their life. Whether we're grieving the loss of a friend, celebrating professional success, or simply trying to connect meaningfully with our children over breakfast, the invitation remains the same: stop dividing your attention and start investing it. Be curious instead of judgmental, assume positive intent instead of preparing for battle, and trust that the process of growth—even through difficulty—leads to something better. The purple water buffalo reminds us that we're stronger together than apart, and that choosing to be present for others multiplies our own capacity for joy. When we finally learn to be where our feet are, we discover that we've been searching everywhere for what was always right in front of us—the rich, full, meaningful life that emerges when we stop running from this moment and start embracing it completely.
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By Scott M. O'Neil
