Excellent Advice for Living
Wisdom I Wish I'd Known Earlier
Book Edition Details
Summary
"Excellent Advice for Living (2023) is a collection of 450 aphorisms that will help you start living a better life. Covering everything from parenting and travel to survival and success, it invites you to pick and choose from a plentiful feast of bite-size wisdom. "
Introduction
Life comes at us fast, filled with decisions that shape our destiny and moments that test our character. In a world overflowing with information but starving for wisdom, we often find ourselves seeking guidance that transcends the noise of daily existence. This collection of profound insights emerges from decades of careful observation, thoughtful reflection, and the timeless patterns that govern human flourishing. Each piece of advice serves as a seed, ready to grow into transformative action when planted in the soil of your unique circumstances. The wisdom contained here isn't about perfection or grand gestures, but rather about the small, consistent choices that compound into extraordinary lives. Whether you're navigating career transitions, building relationships, or simply trying to become the person you're meant to be, these insights offer a compass for the journey ahead.
Learn How to Learn from Everyone
The ability to extract wisdom from every encounter, especially from those who challenge or even offend us, represents one of the most powerful skills we can develop. This practice transforms every interaction into a potential classroom, where even our strongest disagreements become doorways to deeper understanding. Kevin Kelly discovered this principle through a particularly difficult experience with a neighbor who held completely opposing political views. During heated community meetings, Kelly found himself dismissing everything this person said simply because of their ideology. One day, however, he forced himself to listen differently, searching not for points of attack but for kernels of truth hidden within perspectives he found abhorrent. To his surprise, buried beneath the rhetoric he despised were genuine concerns about community safety and economic stability that resonated with his own values, though expressed through a completely different lens. This shift in listening changed everything. Instead of walking away frustrated and entrenched in his own beliefs, Kelly began to understand the underlying fears and hopes that drove his neighbor's positions. The conversations didn't become pleasant, but they became productive. Both men discovered common ground they never knew existed, and their community meetings transformed from battlegrounds into collaborative problem-solving sessions. To practice this transformative skill, start by identifying someone whose views consistently irritate you. Before your next interaction with them, set a simple intention to find one thing they believe that contains even a grain of truth. Listen for the emotion behind their words rather than focusing solely on their conclusions. Ask yourself what experience might have led them to this belief, and what legitimate need or value they're trying to protect. This doesn't mean agreeing with everything they say, but rather excavating the human concerns beneath positions you find troubling. Remember that the goal isn't to change your mind about everything, but to expand your capacity for understanding. When you can genuinely see truth in perspectives that initially repelled you, you develop an intellectual humility that makes you wiser and more effective in all your relationships. This practice turns former enemies into unexpected teachers and transforms the exhausting work of defending your beliefs into the energizing work of expanding them.
Build Habits That Build You
Habits serve as the invisible architecture of our lives, quietly shaping who we become through thousands of small, seemingly insignificant choices. The most powerful transformation occurs when we shift our focus from relying on motivation to building systems that make positive actions automatic and effortless. Kelly learned this lesson through his struggle with physical fitness. For years, he would start exercise routines with great enthusiasm, only to abandon them when motivation waned or life became stressful. His breakthrough came when he stopped trying to "get in shape" and instead focused on becoming "the kind of person who never misses a workout." This subtle shift in identity transformed his approach entirely. Instead of negotiating with himself each morning about whether to exercise, he simply acted from his new identity. The transformation was remarkable. By removing the daily decision-making burden, Kelly freed up mental energy for other pursuits while automatically maintaining his fitness routine. On days when he felt tired or busy, he would do just five minutes of movement, honoring his identity while accommodating life's realities. This approach proved so successful that he applied it to other areas, becoming "the kind of person who writes every day" and "the kind of person who always returns borrowed items in better condition." To build habits that build you, start by choosing one simple behavior that aligns with the person you want to become. Instead of focusing on outcomes like "lose weight" or "write a book," focus on identity statements like "I am someone who moves daily" or "I am someone who writes regularly." Begin with the smallest possible version of this behavior, something so easy you can't reasonably fail at it. Five minutes of walking, writing one sentence, or reading one page creates the neural pathway without overwhelming your willpower. The key lies in consistency over intensity. Celebrate each time you honor your new identity, regardless of how small the action. Track your streak not in terms of perfect performance, but in terms of identity reinforcement. When you inevitably miss a day, return to the behavior immediately rather than waiting for Monday or next month. This approach transforms habits from external impositions into natural expressions of who you are, creating lasting change that feels authentic and sustainable.
Choose Kindness Over Being Right
The daily choice between being right and being kind represents one of the most profound decisions we face, shaping not only our relationships but our character. This principle challenges our ego's desperate need for validation while opening pathways to deeper connection and genuine influence. Kelly witnessed this truth during a family gathering where his brother made several factual errors while telling a story about their childhood. Kelly's first instinct was to correct each mistake, armed with precise details and photographic evidence. But something made him pause and consider his brother's purpose in telling the story. He realized his brother wasn't trying to deliver a historical account but rather to express his feelings about their shared experiences and to connect with family members who hadn't been present during that time. Instead of interrupting with corrections, Kelly listened with appreciation for his brother's emotional truth. He asked questions that helped his brother elaborate on the feelings behind the memories rather than challenging the factual details. The result was a warm, connecting conversation that brought the family closer together and allowed his brother to feel heard and valued. Later, when accuracy mattered for practical reasons, Kelly was able to gently clarify details in a way that preserved his brother's dignity and their relationship. This doesn't mean accepting harmful misinformation or avoiding necessary corrections. Rather, it means pausing to consider whether the correction serves the relationship and the larger purpose of the interaction. Before speaking, ask yourself whether your urge to be right comes from a desire to help or from a need to demonstrate your superior knowledge. Consider the other person's emotional state and whether they're likely to receive your correction as a gift or as an attack on their competence. When correction is truly necessary, lead with kindness by acknowledging what the person got right first. Use phrases like "That's an interesting way to see it, and I wonder if this additional information might be helpful." Frame your knowledge as a contribution to their understanding rather than a contradiction of their intelligence. Remember that kindness doesn't require weakness or dishonesty, but it does require wisdom about when and how to share what you know. The goal is to elevate the conversation and the relationship rather than simply establishing your correctness.
Create More Than You Consume
The balance between creation and consumption determines whether we grow into active contributors to the world or passive recipients of others' efforts. This principle transforms us from audiences into artists, from critics into builders, and from consumers into creators of value. Kelly discovered this truth during a period when he found himself spending hours each day reading news, scrolling social media, and watching videos, while his own creative projects languished. Despite consuming vast amounts of information, he felt increasingly empty and disconnected from his sense of purpose. The turning point came when he tracked his daily activities and realized he was consuming roughly eight hours of content for every hour he spent creating something original. He implemented a simple rule: for every hour of consumption, he would spend at least fifteen minutes creating something, whether writing in his journal, sketching an idea, recording a voice memo about an interesting concept, or working on a longer project. Initially, this felt forced and awkward, but something profound began to shift. His consumption became more intentional as he found himself naturally drawn to content that sparked creative ideas rather than simply entertained him. His creative confidence grew as small daily outputs accumulated into substantial projects. Within months, Kelly noticed that his most fulfilling days were those with the highest creation-to-consumption ratios. He began to see the world through a creator's lens, noticing problems he could solve and opportunities he could develop rather than simply complaints he could voice. His relationships deepened as he became someone who contributed original thoughts and solutions rather than simply reacting to others' ideas. Start by tracking your creation-to-consumption ratio for one week without trying to change it. Notice how much time you spend reading, watching, scrolling, and listening compared to writing, making, building, or developing original ideas. Then gradually increase your creation time, beginning with just ten minutes per day of producing something original. This could be writing personal reflections, sketching observations, recording voice memos about interesting ideas, or working on any project that expresses your unique perspective. The key is consistency rather than perfection. Your early creations don't need to be polished or public; they simply need to exist. Focus on developing your creative muscles through regular exercise rather than producing masterpieces. As your confidence grows, you can expand into larger projects or share your work with others. Remember that every professional creator began as an amateur, and every expert was once a beginner who simply refused to remain in the audience.
Summary
The journey toward wisdom begins with the recognition that every person and every moment contains lessons waiting to be discovered. The insights gathered here remind us that transformation happens not through grand gestures but through the daily choice to learn from everyone, build positive habits, choose kindness over correctness, and create more than we consume. As Kelly observes, "You are what you do. Not what you say, not what you believe, not how you vote, but what you spend your time on." This powerful truth cuts through all our excuses and rationalizations to reveal the simple reality that our lives are shaped by our consistent actions rather than our intentions. Begin today by choosing one principle from this wisdom and committing to practice it for the next seven days. Notice how this small shift ripples through your relationships, your work, and your sense of purpose, proving that the path to an extraordinary life is built from ordinary moments transformed by conscious choice.
By Kevin Kelly
