Jerks at Work
Toxic Coworkers and What to Do About Them
Book Edition Details
Summary
In the chaotic arena of office politics, survival often hinges on outsmarting the sly and cunning characters who lurk in every workplace. Enter "Jerks at Work," where NYU psychology guru Tessa West sheds light on the secret lives of those infuriating colleagues who bend rules without breaking them. From the charmingly duplicitous Kiss-Up/Kick-Down to the credit-stealing Gaslighter, West’s research unravels their tactics and the insecurities that drive them. With wit and wisdom, she arms you with the strategies to disarm these corporate saboteurs. Whether you're dodging the micromanager’s relentless scrutiny or navigating the bulldozer’s meeting monopolies, this indispensable guide transforms frustration into mastery. Say goodbye to bathroom stall breakdowns and hello to a new era of workplace empowerment.
Introduction
Every workplace has them. The colleague who takes credit for your brilliant ideas during team meetings. The boss who micromanages your every move while completely ignoring your actual needs. The charming coworker who undermines you behind closed doors while maintaining a perfect facade in front of leadership. These challenging personalities don't just make work unpleasant—they can derail careers, damage self-confidence, and create toxic environments that poison entire teams. The good news is that you're not powerless against workplace jerks. With the right strategies, you can identify problematic behaviors early, protect yourself from manipulation, and even transform difficult relationships into manageable ones. The key lies in understanding what drives these behaviors and learning evidence-based techniques to respond effectively. Rather than simply enduring or avoiding conflict, you can take control of your professional relationships and create the respectful, productive work environment you deserve.
Identify and Decode Toxic Behavior Patterns
The first step to dealing with workplace jerks is recognizing them for who they truly are. These individuals rarely announce their intentions outright. Instead, they operate through subtle patterns of behavior that gradually escalate over time, making their tactics difficult to spot until significant damage has already been done. Consider Annie, a talented sales executive who joined what seemed like her dream company. Her boss David had to leave suddenly for Asia, putting his colleague Sasha temporarily in charge. At first, Sasha appeared helpful and collaborative, sending emails like "I'm so honored to be working with you, and I hope some of your magic rubs off on me." But once David stopped monitoring her closely, Sasha's true nature emerged. She began interrupting Annie's meetings to question her decisions in front of her team, saying things like "Are you sure that's a good idea?" and "I know that client much better than Annie—he will never go for it." Sasha's behavior followed a classic pattern. She started with small acts of public criticism designed to damage Annie's reputation, then escalated to micromanaging arbitrary details like changing daily food allowances from forty-five to forty dollars for no logical reason. The most insidious part was how Sasha isolated Annie from potential allies by creating an atmosphere of fear and paranoia throughout the office. To identify these patterns early, watch for colleagues who treat people differently based on their status in the organization. Notice those who offer excessive flattery to superiors while being dismissive or critical of peers and subordinates. Pay attention to individuals who seem to know surprisingly detailed information about your work, your relationships, or your background. These behaviors signal someone who is actively studying the social dynamics of your workplace to exploit them for personal gain. The key to protection lies in documentation and alliance-building. Keep detailed records of interactions, especially those that feel manipulative or inappropriate. Seek out well-connected colleagues who can provide perspective on whether your experiences reflect broader patterns of problematic behavior.
Build Strategic Alliances and Social Networks
The most effective defense against workplace jerks isn't confrontation—it's community. Toxic colleagues thrive in environments where their targets feel isolated and powerless. By building strong professional relationships and strategic alliances, you create a protective network that makes you far less vulnerable to manipulation and abuse. The story of Kai, a savvy employee who quickly became indispensable to her busy boss Blaine, illustrates this principle perfectly. While other employees struggled to get face time with their overwhelmed manager, Kai positioned herself as a crucial information hub. She learned which senior leaders Blaine respected, what times of day he was most receptive to requests, and how to navigate the company's informal power structures. When Blaine needed advice or information, Kai became his go-to resource. This strategic positioning protected Kai from workplace jerks who might otherwise have targeted her. Credit stealers avoided her because they knew Blaine would immediately notice if her contributions went unrecognized. Bulldozers couldn't steamroll her in meetings because she had established credibility and voice within the organization. Her network of relationships created a buffer zone that made toxic behavior toward her both risky and counterproductive for potential aggressors. Building these alliances requires intentional effort and genuine relationship-building. Start by identifying advice ties—colleagues who understand how to get things done effectively within your organization's unique culture. These aren't necessarily your closest friends at work, but rather people who possess valuable institutional knowledge and are willing to share it. Cultivate relationships with individuals at different levels and departments, focusing on quality connections rather than quantity. Offer value before asking for favors. Share useful information, make helpful introductions, and demonstrate reliability in small matters before expecting support in larger challenges. Remember that the strongest workplace relationships are built on mutual benefit and genuine respect rather than transactional exchanges. Most importantly, become someone others can turn to for advice and support. As you develop expertise and institutional knowledge, share it generously with colleagues who are earlier in their careers or new to your organization. This generosity creates goodwill and establishes you as a valuable team player worth protecting and supporting.
Master Direct Confrontation and Communication
When building alliances isn't enough, direct confrontation becomes necessary. However, confronting workplace jerks requires skill, timing, and strategy. Poorly executed confrontations often backfire, giving toxic colleagues ammunition to use against you while failing to change their behavior. Matt, a journalist whose boss Karen micromanaged his every move, learned this lesson the hard way. His first attempt at confrontation was direct but counterproductive. He told Karen she stopped by his office too often and asked her to limit their interactions to once daily. Karen responded with contempt, telling him that if he were better at his job, she wouldn't need to monitor him so closely. Matt shut down completely, retreating to his office and avoiding further interaction. The conversation failed because it followed what relationship expert John Gottman calls the "Four Horsemen" pattern: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Matt opened with criticism of Karen's behavior, she responded with contempt and defensiveness, and he ended by stonewalling her with silence and avoidance. Successful confrontation requires a different approach. Instead of leading with complaints about behavior, start by discussing shared goals and expectations. Matt and Karen eventually had a productive conversation when they focused on aligning their objectives rather than attacking each other's methods. They discovered that Karen thought Matt's primary responsibility was completing an article she wanted published, while Matt believed his job was to demonstrate independence and creativity in pursuing his own leads. When you do need to address problematic behavior directly, be specific rather than general. Instead of saying "You're controlling and don't trust anyone," try "When you send me multiple emails within an hour asking for updates on the same project, I find it difficult to focus on completing the actual work." This approach describes the behavior and its impact without making accusations about character or motivation. Sandwich difficult feedback between genuine acknowledgments of the person's strengths or contributions. This technique, supported by research on effective communication, helps prevent defensive reactions that shut down productive dialogue. Even if the relationship feels adversarial, finding something authentic to appreciate creates space for actual behavior change rather than escalating conflict.
Create Long-term Protection and Career Success
The ultimate goal isn't just surviving workplace jerks—it's building a career that's resilient to their impact. This requires developing systems, skills, and relationships that provide lasting protection while advancing your professional objectives. Rob Donnelly's experience working on NASA's Perseverance Mars rover project demonstrates how strong teams can prevent jerk behavior from taking root. Over three and a half years, his team developed practices that naturally discouraged toxic behavior while promoting collaboration and accountability. They established clear credit attribution systems where spokespeople would say "Person A identified the problem, Person B developed the fix, and Person C verified the fix" instead of using vague collective language. They rotated leadership roles to prevent any individual from accumulating excessive power or becoming indispensable. Most importantly, they invested time in maintaining relationships even when work pressures were intense. The team met monthly for social gatherings, celebrated cultural holidays together, and prioritized mutual support during challenging periods. As Rob explained, "When things got tough at work, we were all fighting the issues instead of each other." To create similar protection in your own career, focus on developing what researchers call "voice" in your organization. Voice means that when you speak, people listen, and when you contribute ideas, those contributions are remembered and attributed to you correctly. Building voice requires establishing yourself as someone others turn to for advice and expertise before you need to defend yourself against problematic colleagues. Document your contributions systematically, especially in team environments where individual roles might become blurred. Keep records of your ideas, initiatives, and accomplishments that you can reference during performance reviews or when credit attribution becomes disputed. Create paper trails that establish your role in important projects and decisions. Develop expertise that makes you valuable but not easily replaceable. Cultivate skills that are important to your organization's success but not so specialized that you become trapped in a narrow role. Build relationships with colleagues, clients, or partners outside your immediate team who can serve as references for your contributions and character. Finally, maintain perspective on what battles are worth fighting. Some workplace jerks will eventually expose themselves through their own behavior, while others may be temporary fixtures in your professional landscape. Focus your energy on building positive relationships, advancing your skills, and creating opportunities for growth rather than getting drawn into extended conflicts that drain your resources and damage your reputation.
Summary
Workplace jerks are an unfortunate reality in most professional environments, but they don't have to derail your career or destroy your well-being. The most important lesson is that "the antidote to jerks at work is friends at work." Success in dealing with difficult colleagues comes not from superior confrontation skills or perfect conflict avoidance, but from building strong professional relationships that provide support, perspective, and protection when challenges arise. By identifying toxic patterns early, cultivating strategic alliances, mastering skillful communication, and creating long-term systems for professional resilience, you can take control of your work environment and build the respectful, collaborative career you deserve. Start today by reaching out to one colleague who could become a valuable alliance, and begin building the professional community that will support your success for years to come.
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By Tessa West
