Sacred Marriage
What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?
Book Edition Details
Summary
What if marriage isn't just a journey to happiness, but a sacred path to holiness? "Sacred Marriage" invites you to reimagine your vows not merely as a romantic contract, but as a divine discipline—a transformative quest to deepen your relationship with God. Through a blend of timeless scriptural wisdom and real-life stories, this book challenges the conventional quest for marital bliss, urging couples to embrace marriage as a spiritual exercise that refines their souls. As roles and expectations evolve, this newly revised edition delivers streamlined insights that remain as profound and relevant as ever. Whether your relationship is flourishing or faltering, "Sacred Marriage" offers a compelling blueprint for nurturing not just a deeper connection with your partner, but a more intimate walk with God. Let this guide be your compass in discovering a love that purifies, strengthens, and sanctifies.
Introduction
Most of us enter marriage with dreams of happiness, fulfillment, and romantic bliss. We imagine cozy evenings, shared laughter, and a partner who completes us in every way. Yet within months or years, many couples find themselves facing unexpected challenges that test not just their love, but their very character. What if these struggles aren't obstacles to overcome, but opportunities for profound spiritual growth? What if marriage wasn't designed primarily to make us happy, but to make us holy? This revolutionary perspective transforms every marital challenge into a sacred classroom where we learn patience, forgiveness, selflessness, and unconditional love. Rather than viewing difficulties as signs of a failing relationship, we can embrace them as divine invitations to become the people God created us to be. Marriage becomes not just a union between two people, but a spiritual journey that draws us closer to our Creator while refining our souls through the beautiful, messy reality of loving another imperfect human being.
Marriage as a Pathway to Spiritual Growth
Marriage serves as one of life's most intensive spiritual workshops, revealing our character flaws while simultaneously providing the perfect environment to address them. Unlike other relationships where we can maintain polite facades or simply walk away when tensions arise, marriage demands authentic engagement with another person's needs, quirks, and imperfections on a daily basis. The author shares his own awakening to this reality during a simple domestic moment. After years of viewing himself as patient and considerate, he discovered his capacity for irritation over something as trivial as empty ice cube trays. His wife Lisa would use ice cubes and return the empty tray to the freezer, a habit that seemed to test his patience in ways he never anticipated. When he timed the refilling process at just seven seconds, he realized his selfishness ran deeper than he'd imagined. Was he really so self-centered that seven seconds of inconvenience could become a marital issue? This revelation became a turning point in understanding marriage's sanctifying power. Rather than dismissing his irritation as Lisa's problem to solve, he recognized it as his own spiritual growth opportunity. The empty ice cube trays became mirrors reflecting his need for greater selflessness and patience. Through countless similar small incidents, he learned that marriage doesn't just reveal our weaknesses but provides daily practice in overcoming them. The key to embracing this pathway lies in shifting our expectations from happiness to holiness. Instead of asking whether your spouse is meeting your needs, ask what God is teaching you through your current circumstances. Practice viewing every frustration as a spiritual exercise, every conflict as a chance to choose love over selfishness. Begin each day with a prayer asking God to use your marriage to shape your character, then actively look for opportunities to serve rather than be served. This transformation of perspective turns ordinary marital moments into extraordinary spiritual encounters.
Learning to Love and Honor Through Marriage
True love extends far beyond romantic feelings or emotional satisfaction. Marriage teaches us the profound difference between infatuation, which demands perfection, and mature love, which embraces reality while working toward growth. This deeper understanding of love becomes a gateway to experiencing God's own unconditional love for humanity. Dr. John Barger's transformation illustrates this progression beautifully. For years, he ruled his household with harsh authority, believing he was exercising proper biblical leadership. His wife Susan and seven children lived in fear of his anger, walking on eggshells to avoid triggering his disapproval. The family atmosphere grew increasingly toxic as his domineering behavior alienated those he claimed to love most. His approach to marriage focused entirely on what he could receive rather than what he could give. The turning point came during a tragic hospital experience when Susan lost a baby. Holding his stillborn son, Dr. Barger faced a choice between continuing his pattern of demanding perfection or learning to truly love his family. He chose the harder path of transformation. Over the next four years, through Susan's illness, job loss, and multiple miscarriages, he practiced holding his tongue, admitting his faults, and listening to his wife's heart rather than defending his position. This journey taught him that love isn't about being right but about serving others sacrificially. By the time Susan was diagnosed with terminal cancer, their marriage had been completely transformed. Dr. Barger spent her final eight months demonstrating the servant's heart he had developed, caring for her with tenderness that honored both her dignity and their renewed love. Even in grief, he could celebrate the authentic intimacy they had finally discovered. Learning to love through marriage requires daily choices to put your spouse's needs before your own comfort. Practice active listening without formulating your rebuttal. Look for ways to serve that cost you something, whether time, preferences, or pride. Remember that becoming more loving makes you more like Christ, regardless of whether your efforts are immediately reciprocated.
Embracing Struggle and Building Sacred History
Rather than viewing marital difficulties as problems to escape, we can embrace them as opportunities to build character and deepen our spiritual maturity. The struggles we face together create a sacred history that testifies to God's faithfulness and our commitment to growth through challenging seasons. Abraham Lincoln's marriage exemplifies this principle powerfully. Mary Todd Lincoln was known for her volatile temperament, public outbursts, and demanding nature. She threw coffee in Lincoln's face during public gatherings, went on spending sprees that strained their finances, and created scenes that embarrassed the future president. When their son Willie died, Mary's grief pushed her toward mental instability, adding emotional chaos to Lincoln's already overwhelming responsibilities as a wartime president. Yet Lincoln's commitment to working through these marital challenges rather than escaping them built the character qualities that would serve him during America's greatest crisis. The patience required to live with Mary's emotional volatility prepared him for the patience needed to hold a fractured nation together. The forgiveness he practiced at home translated into the mercy he would extend to a defeated South. His perseverance through personal turmoil equipped him to persevere through political opposition and military setbacks. Lincoln's greatest speeches, including the Gettysburg Address, were delivered during periods when his home life was most chaotic. Rather than allowing marital stress to diminish his effectiveness, he drew on the character strength developed through years of choosing love over convenience, commitment over comfort. His willingness to honor his wedding vows despite difficulty prepared him to honor his oath of office during the nation's darkest hour. Building sacred history requires viewing your marriage as a long-term project rather than a short-term pleasure. Commit to working through difficulties rather than around them. Keep a record of how God has been faithful during challenging seasons, and let those memories fuel hope during current struggles. Remember that the character built through marital perseverance serves purposes far beyond your relationship itself.
Finding God's Presence in Married Life
Marriage creates unique opportunities to experience God's presence through daily acts of communication, service, and mutual support. Rather than seeing family responsibilities as distractions from spiritual life, we can recognize them as primary venues for encountering the divine through human relationship. The author discovered this truth through a simple incident with his daughter Allison when she was ten years old. During a demanding travel schedule that required him to drop her off late at night before continuing to a speaking engagement, he felt frustrated by the complications of coordinating family logistics with ministry responsibilities. His initial reaction was to view these competing demands as obstacles to effective service rather than integral parts of his calling. However, watching Allison handle the disruption with grace while still maintaining her sweet spirit toward him revealed God's presence in their father-daughter relationship. Her forgiveness of his weariness, her excitement about their time together despite the inconvenience, and her trust in his care reflected divine love in tangible ways. Rather than hindering his spiritual sensitivity, their relationship became a source of insight into God's patient love for His imperfect children. This shift in perspective transformed routine family interactions into sacred encounters. Bedtime prayers became opportunities for authentic worship. Resolving sibling conflicts became lessons in divine justice and mercy. Even mundane tasks like grocery shopping or household chores became contexts for modeling servant leadership and mutual support. The presence of God wasn't something to be found apart from family life but through full engagement with family relationships. Creating space for God's presence in married life starts with recognizing that He is already there, working through your daily interactions. Practice gratitude for small kindnesses rather than taking them for granted. Pray together about ordinary concerns, not just crises. Look for ways your spouse reflects God's character, and tell them what you see. Let your marriage become a place where both partners experience unconditional love that points them toward their heavenly Father's heart.
Summary
Marriage becomes sacred not when it makes us happy, but when it makes us holy. Through the daily challenges of loving an imperfect person, we discover our own need for grace while learning to extend that same grace to others. As one transformed husband observed after years of learning to truly love his difficult wife: "The virtues necessary in truly loving a woman and having that love returned—the virtues of listening, patience, humility, service, and faithful love—are the very virtues necessary for us to love God and to feel his love returned." This profound truth reveals marriage's ultimate purpose: to shape us into people capable of deeper intimacy with our Creator while modeling His unconditional love to a watching world. Begin today by asking not what your marriage can do for you, but what God wants to do through your marriage. Choose to see every challenge as a classroom, every conflict as a chance to choose love, and every ordinary moment as an opportunity to practice the very character qualities that will serve you throughout eternity.
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By Gary L. Thomas
