Stop Doing That Sh*t
End Self-Sabotage and Demand Your Life Back
Book Edition Details
Summary
"Stop Doing That Sh*t (2019) dives into the subconscious to explore how and why we self-sabotage ourselves. Discover why just thinking positively or deciding to change doesn’t help us to actually improve ourselves. Then, learn a method for finally overcoming the hidden thoughts that have been unconsciously ruling our lives. "
Introduction
Have you ever wondered why you keep getting in your own way? Why you start strong with new goals, only to watch yourself slowly—or sometimes dramatically—unravel the progress you've made? You're not alone in this frustrating cycle, and more importantly, you're not broken. What you're experiencing is a deeply human pattern that operates largely below the surface of your conscious awareness. This exploration isn't about adding more willpower or positive thinking to your toolkit. Instead, it's about understanding the hidden saboteurs that have been quietly steering your life from the shadows. By uncovering these unconscious patterns, you'll finally gain the power to redirect your energy toward creating the life you actually want, rather than the one you keep defaulting to. The journey ahead requires honest self-examination, but it offers something invaluable in return: genuine freedom from the invisible chains that have been holding you back.
Uncover Your Three Hidden Saboteurs
Self-sabotage isn't random chaos—it's a precise, predictable system operating in your subconscious mind. At its core are three fundamental conclusions you made early in life about yourself, other people, and life itself. These aren't conscious beliefs you can simply think your way out of; they're deeply embedded patterns that function like internal programming, automatically steering your decisions and behaviors. Consider the story of a successful lawyer who repeatedly destroyed promising relationships just as they became serious. On the surface, she appeared confident and accomplished, but beneath lay her personal saboteur: the conclusion "I'm not worthy of love." This wasn't something she consciously believed—in fact, she would have argued against it. Yet this hidden conclusion drove her to unconsciously test her partners, push them away, or find fatal flaws in otherwise healthy relationships. Her social saboteur revealed itself as "People will eventually leave," formed after her father abandoned the family when she was eight. Combined with her life saboteur—"Life is disappointing"—these three conclusions created a perfect storm of self-defeating behavior. Every time a relationship showed real promise, her subconscious would activate, creating conflicts or distance to prove her conclusions right and return her to familiar, if painful, territory. To uncover your own saboteurs, examine the areas where you consistently struggle despite conscious effort. Look at the patterns in your relationships, career, health, or finances. What automatic thoughts arise when you're stressed or facing setbacks? Your saboteurs often disguise themselves as reasonable concerns or protective instincts. The key is recognizing that these aren't truths about reality—they're conclusions drawn from limited childhood experiences, now running your adult life. Start by identifying the critical voice that emerges during challenging moments, then trace it back to its fundamental message about you, others, and life itself.
Accept Your Past Without Being Owned by It
The events that shaped your saboteurs weren't chosen by you—you were thrown into circumstances beyond your control. Your family dynamics, cultural environment, genetic makeup, and countless other factors created the context in which your young mind made sense of the world. This concept of "thrownness" explains why you developed the conclusions you did, but it doesn't condemn you to live by them forever. Take the example of a man who grew up with an alcoholic father and developed the personal conclusion "I'm powerless" along with the social conclusion "People can't be trusted." His childhood was marked by broken promises, unpredictable behavior, and emotional chaos he couldn't control. As an adult, he found himself in a pattern of avoiding leadership roles and maintaining only surface-level relationships, despite his obvious capabilities and genuine desire for connection. The breakthrough came when he distinguished between his past experiences and his current reality. Yes, he had been genuinely powerless as a child in an unstable home. Yes, the adults around him had proven unreliable. But continuing to operate from these conclusions thirty years later was a choice—an unconscious one, but a choice nonetheless. He learned to acknowledge his difficult beginnings without letting them dictate his present actions. Acceptance doesn't mean approving of what happened or pretending it didn't hurt. Instead, it means releasing yourself from the burden of carrying your past into every present moment. Start by identifying what aspects of your background you've been using to justify current limitations. Notice when you explain your behavior with phrases like "because of my childhood" or "given my history." Then practice responding to challenges based on present-moment choices rather than historical precedent. This shift transforms your past from a prison into simply information—relevant context that no longer controls your decisions.
Design Your Future and Work Backward
Most people live their lives being pushed by their past rather than pulled by their future. They make decisions based on avoiding previous pain or repeating familiar patterns, even when those patterns don't serve them. Real transformation happens when you flip this dynamic and begin designing from the future you want to create. This approach mirrors how visionary companies operate. When Steve Jobs conceived the iPhone, he didn't start with existing technology and try to improve it incrementally. He imagined a future where people carried powerful computers in their pockets, then worked backward to figure out how to make that future real. Every decision, from hiring to research and development, was guided not by what Apple had been, but by what it was becoming. The same principle applies to personal change. Instead of trying to fix your current problems, start by clearly envisioning the life you want to be living in two or three years. See yourself in the relationships, career, physical condition, and circumstances that would truly fulfill you. Make this vision specific and vivid—where do you live, how do you spend your days, what kind of person have you become? Now comes the crucial shift: begin making today's decisions from that future self. When faced with choices about how to spend your time, money, or energy, ask yourself what the person you're becoming would do. This isn't about setting goals in the traditional sense—it's about inhabiting your future identity now and letting it guide your actions. Start by identifying one area where you want significant change, create a clear vision of what that area looks like when transformed, then take one action today that aligns with that future reality. Your past conclusions will resist, but your commitment to the future you're creating will provide the pull needed to override old patterns.
Take Daily Action Toward Your Masterpiece
Creating lasting change isn't about massive overhauls or perfect execution—it's about consistent daily actions that align with the future you're designing. Like Michelangelo revealing David from a block of marble, you're not building something from nothing; you're uncovering what's already there by removing everything that doesn't belong. Consider a woman who had spent decades in the cycle of starting and stopping exercise routines. Her personal saboteur told her "I'm lazy," while her life saboteur insisted "Life is too hard." Every January brought new gym memberships and ambitious plans, followed by inevitable burnout and self-criticism by March. The pattern seemed unbreakable until she shifted her approach entirely. Instead of trying to overcome her supposed laziness, she began with a clear vision of herself as someone who moved her body joyfully every day. She stopped fighting her old patterns and started chipping away at anything that wasn't aligned with this identity. Some days this meant a five-minute walk, other days a dance session in her living room. The key wasn't the intensity of the activity but the consistency of showing up as the person she was becoming. When her saboteurs activated—as they inevitably did—she didn't try to silence them or fight them off. Instead, she acknowledged their presence and then asked, "What would someone who moves joyfully every day do right now?" This simple question became her North Star, guiding her through moments of resistance and back to actions that served her emerging identity. The practice is deceptively simple: multiple times each day, pause and ask what your future self would do in this moment. Then take that action, however small. Some days you'll nail it, other days you'll revert to old patterns. Both outcomes provide valuable information and opportunities to keep chipping away at your masterpiece. The goal isn't perfection; it's consistent movement in the direction of who you're becoming, one choice at a time.
Summary
Your self-sabotaging behaviors aren't character flaws or evidence of weakness—they're the logical result of unconscious conclusions formed when you were too young to know better. These saboteurs have been faithfully protecting you by keeping life predictable and survivable, but they've also been limiting your potential and stealing your aliveness. As the author powerfully states, "You are in a perpetual state of fucking yourself over so that you can repeatedly save yourself from what fucked you over in the first place." The path forward isn't about fixing what's wrong with you, because nothing is fundamentally wrong. Instead, it's about designing a future so compelling that it naturally pulls you beyond your old limitations. Stop trying to overcome your past and start creating a tomorrow worth living into. Your only job now is to take one action today that aligns with the person you're becoming, then do it again tomorrow, and the day after that, until your masterpiece emerges.
By Gary John Bishop
