The Art of Influence
Persuading Others Begins With You
Book Edition Details
Summary
"The Art of Influence (2008) by Chris Widener, presented as an inspiring parable, teaches that true influence isn't about manipulation but starts with transforming one's own life and character. It delivers timeless principles for becoming an influential person whom others naturally respect and follow through service, excellence, and integrity."
Introduction
Picture this: You've graduated with honors, armed with all the textbook knowledge money can buy, yet you watch as others with seemingly less education advance faster, close bigger deals, and inspire teams to achieve the impossible. What separates those who merely persuade from those who truly influence? The difference lies not in what you know, but in who you become. True influence transcends the boundaries of traditional sales tactics or management techniques. It's an art form that transforms both the influencer and the influenced, creating lasting relationships built on trust, respect, and genuine care for others' success. When you master this art, you discover that people don't just follow your ideas—they believe in your vision and willingly commit their energy to making it reality. This profound understanding will reshape how you approach every interaction, whether you're leading a team, building a business, or simply trying to make a positive difference in someone's life. You'll learn why integrity serves as the cornerstone of lasting influence, how genuine optimism becomes magnetic to others, and why putting people's interests before your own paradoxically multiplies your own success. Most importantly, you'll discover that excellence in all areas of life isn't just admirable—it's the foundation upon which all meaningful influence is built.
Grandma's Gift: When Integrity Meets Opportunity
Marcus Drake stood in a boardroom high above Manhattan, watching his mentor Bobby Gold navigate a potential fifty-million-dollar deal. Fresh from Northwestern's business school, Marcus thought he understood business—until he witnessed something that would forever change his perspective on integrity and influence. The meeting seemed routine at first. Two executives presented their company's financials to Bobby, hoping to secure his investment. The numbers looked impressive, the presentation polished, and Marcus felt confident this deal would move forward. But as they prepared to leave, Bobby surprised him by announcing he wouldn't invest a single dollar. The reason shocked Marcus even more than the decision itself. Before the CEO had arrived, Marcus had overheard a seemingly insignificant exchange. The CFO had forgotten to mail an important package to a client and instructed his assistant to lie about it, claiming he'd sent it the day before while secretly overnighting it that same day. Most people would dismiss this as a harmless white lie, but Bobby saw something far more dangerous—a crack in the foundation of trust. Bobby explained his first golden rule with unwavering conviction: Live a life of undivided integrity. He drew parallels to concrete construction, where small cracks may seem insignificant but eventually compromise the entire structure. The CFO's willingness to lie about something trivial revealed a divided character—someone who told the truth only when convenient. In Bobby's world, where millions of dollars change hands on trust alone, such character flaws weren't just concerning; they were deal-breakers. This moment illuminated a profound truth about influence that business schools rarely teach. People don't just evaluate your competence; they constantly assess your character. They're asking themselves whether they can trust you with their careers, their investments, and their futures. When you demonstrate integrity in small matters—returning every phone call, honoring every commitment, telling the truth even when it's uncomfortable—you build an invisible foundation that makes others eager to follow your lead. Integrity isn't just about being honest; it's about being whole, undivided, and completely trustworthy in every interaction.
The Fishing Philosophy: Building Genuine Connections
The conversation began in the backseat of a Lincoln Navigator as they traveled through New York City traffic. Bobby Gold had just ended a phone call about a potential acquisition, and his approach struck Marcus as surprisingly passive. Instead of aggressively pursuing the deal, Bobby seemed almost indifferent, telling the seller he could "go either way." This behavior puzzled Marcus until Bobby introduced him to a revolutionary concept: the difference between hunting and fishing in business relationships. Bobby painted a vivid picture of how most people approach influence like hunters tracking prey. They stalk potential clients, corner them at networking events, and pursue them relentlessly until their targets run away. Marcus immediately recognized this pattern—he'd experienced it himself when a car salesman's aggressive tactics drove him to a competitor, even though he ended up paying more for the same vehicle. The hunter's approach might occasionally bag a quick kill, but it destroys any possibility of long-term relationship building. True influencers, Bobby explained, think like fishermen. They understand four fundamental principles that transform how others respond to them. First, they know there are plenty of fish in the sea—abundance thinking prevents desperation and maintains dignity in every interaction. Second, they wait for the right timing, recognizing when someone is genuinely ready to be influenced rather than forcing premature decisions. Third, and most importantly, they focus on becoming irresistible bait by developing their character and skills rather than perfecting manipulation techniques. The fourth principle revolutionizes how successful people present themselves to the world. Bobby shared the story of a well-dressed businessman whose spiked, bleached hair completely undermined his professional presentation. While his suit was impeccable and his credentials impressive, his appearance created an unnecessary barrier that prevented others from taking him seriously. Effective influencers understand that first impressions open doors to deeper relationships, and they present themselves in ways that invite rather than repel potential connections. This fishing philosophy extends far beyond business transactions into every area of human interaction. When you approach relationships with patience, authenticity, and genuine interest in others' wellbeing, people naturally gravitate toward your influence. They feel safe, respected, and valued rather than hunted and pressured.
Excellence as Influence: Seven Areas of Personal Mastery
In the penthouse suite of a Manhattan hotel, Paul Diamond shared the philosophy that had transformed him from a small contractor into one of America's wealthiest real estate moguls. His approach to excellence wasn't just about business success—it was a comprehensive life strategy built on seven interconnected pillars that created magnetic influence in every relationship and endeavor. Diamond began with physical appearance, not from vanity but from understanding human psychology. People make snap judgments within seconds of meeting someone, and these first impressions either open doors or create barriers. He emphasized that excellence in appearance doesn't require movie-star genetics, but rather making the absolute best of what you have through proper grooming, fitness, and professional presentation. This commitment signals respect for others and demonstrates the kind of attention to detail that characterizes true leaders. The conversation turned to emotional health, an area Diamond considered crucial yet often neglected by ambitious professionals. He shocked Marcus by revealing that he regularly saw a counselor and mandated real vacations for his employees—complete BlackBerry bans included. His philosophy was simple: better to have people operating at one hundred percent for forty-six weeks than seventy percent for fifty-one weeks. Emotional strength attracts others because it creates stability and confidence in uncertain business environments. Intellectual growth represented another pillar that separated true influencers from mere achievers. Diamond challenged Marcus to continue learning long after formal education ended, reading books that stretched his thinking and listening to audio programs that challenged his assumptions. He even studied opposing political viewpoints to broaden his understanding. This commitment to growth made him a more interesting conversationalist and a wiser decision-maker, qualities that naturally drew others to seek his insights and guidance. The final pillars—relationships, financial success, and charitable giving—worked together to create what Diamond called "coming and going" influence. Excellence in making money attracted people's attention and respect, while excellence in giving it away earned their admiration and loyalty. He revealed his plan to give away the majority of his wealth while living, keeping only enough to give his children a strong foundation without removing their motivation to contribute meaningfully to society. Diamond's approach to excellence extended even to the smallest details. He personally picked up scraps of paper in his hotels, not because he couldn't delegate the task, but because his employees needed to see that nothing was too small for his attention. This behavior inspired similar excellence throughout his organization, creating a culture where everyone took pride in maintaining the highest standards.
Summary
True influence is not about perfecting techniques to manipulate others, but about transforming yourself into the kind of person others naturally want to follow, buy from, and partner with throughout their lives. Begin today by examining your own integrity—identify any small "cracks" in your character and commit to repairing them before they grow into reputation-destroying failures. Choose optimism in every interaction, using your words to breathe life into others rather than criticism that tears them down. Practice putting others' interests ahead of your own, recognizing that when people feel genuinely cared for, they become your strongest advocates and most loyal supporters. Finally, pursue excellence in all seven areas of life: your physical presentation, emotional health, intellectual growth, spiritual depth, relationships, financial success, and charitable giving. Remember that influence is a gift others give to you based on who you are, not a skill you deploy against them, and your commitment to personal transformation will determine whether that gift is freely offered or reluctantly withheld.
By Chris Widener
