The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down
How to Be Calm in a Busy World
byHaemin Sunim, Chi-Young Kim, Youngcheol Lee
Book Edition Details
Summary
"The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down (2012) explains how our fast-paced world can easily become overwhelming. Even minor setbacks can seem catastrophic, making the bigger problems all the more devastating. By practicing mindfulness and compassion with ourselves and others, we allow ourselves the space necessary to slow down, breathe, and discover genuine, lasting happiness. "
Introduction
In our hyperconnected world, we've become masters of speed but beginners at stillness. We rush from meeting to meeting, scroll through endless feeds, and wonder why fulfillment feels so elusive. The paradox of modern life is that the faster we move, the more we miss the very experiences that could bring us joy and meaning. This gentle yet profound guide reveals how slowing down isn't about doing less—it's about seeing more clearly what's already there. Through the wisdom of mindfulness and the power of presence, we can transform our daily experiences from frantic survival into conscious living. The path to peace doesn't require escaping your busy life; it requires learning to move through it with greater awareness and compassion.
Finding Peace in a Busy World
The concept of mental stillness begins with understanding that our perception shapes our reality. When we feel overwhelmed by life's pace, we often blame external circumstances. Yet the truth is more liberating: the world exists as we perceive it through the lens of our minds. A Buddhist nun once shared her revelation while overseeing temple construction. During the roof tiling phase, she noticed tiles everywhere she went—their material, thickness, and design consumed her attention. When installing floors, suddenly only hardwood patterns mattered. She realized that our minds focus on small portions of reality, making those fragments our entire universe. What we pay attention to becomes our world, and our awareness literally brings that world into being. This insight transforms how we approach busyness. The author, balancing roles as both monk and professor, initially felt torn between multiple responsibilities. Teaching, research, temple duties, and meditation practice created what seemed like an impossible schedule. Yet deeper reflection revealed an important truth: he actually enjoyed being busy because helping others brought him joy. The sense of overwhelm came not from external demands but from his relationship to those demands. The practical application is revolutionary. When you feel stressed, pause and ask whether it's the world that's chaotic or your mind that's agitated. Begin with ten minutes of morning stillness before checking your phone. Throughout the day, practice the "awareness pause"—simply notice when you're rushing and consciously slow your movements for thirty seconds. Create boundaries between work and rest that allow your mind to settle, like letting muddy water clear by leaving it undisturbed. Remember that even in the busiest moments, you retain the power to change your inner experience. When your mind rests, the world rests with it. This isn't about avoiding responsibility but about meeting it from a place of centeredness rather than chaos.
The Art of Mindful Living
Mindful living means befriending our emotions rather than battling them. Most people try to control or escape difficult feelings, but this approach often intensifies our suffering. True emotional wisdom comes from learning to witness our inner experiences with compassionate awareness. Consider anger as an example. Instead of labeling it as "bad anger" and trying to suppress it, we can separate the raw energy from the linguistic label. Imagine anger as swirling mud in a fish tank. The more you try to push the mud down with your hands, the more it churns up. But if you simply observe without interfering, the mud naturally settles to the bottom, revealing clear water. The author discovered this principle during his early teaching career when overeager enthusiasm initially overwhelmed his students. His disappointment felt intense until he learned to observe the emotion without being consumed by it. By watching his feelings without judgment, he found they transformed naturally, revealing deeper layers of understanding about his motivations and methods. The practice begins with recognition. When you notice a strong emotion arising, resist the urge to immediately act or suppress it. Instead, breathe deeply and silently observe: "I notice anger is here" or "I'm aware of sadness in my chest." Focus on the physical sensations rather than the story your mind creates about why you feel this way. Watch how the energy moves and changes without your intervention. Create daily "emotion check-ins" where you pause three times and simply notice your feeling state without trying to change it. Over time, this builds emotional resilience and prevents small irritations from becoming major reactions. The goal isn't to never feel difficult emotions but to remain aware during them, maintaining your inner equilibrium even when life feels turbulent.
Building Meaningful Relationships
Relationships flourish when we master the delicate balance between connection and space. Like sitting by a fireplace, we need to be close enough to feel warmth but far enough away to avoid getting burned. This principle became clear during a European backpacking trip when the author and a monastery friend grew irritable after spending every moment together for a week. Initially, their friendship had been effortless—one appreciated the other's humor and warmth, while his companion valued the author's optimism and adventurous spirit. But constant proximity without personal space created tension that had nothing to do with their genuine affection. The solution came when they spent a day exploring separately, then reunited for dinner with fresh stories and renewed appreciation for each other's company. This experience revealed that even the strongest relationships require intentional breathing room. When we're too close for too long, we risk taking each other for granted and feeling suffocated. When we're too distant, we lose the warmth of connection. The art lies in reading the rhythms of closeness and space that each relationship requires. The practice starts with honest self-reflection about your current relationships. Notice which ones feel strained from too much intensity and which have grown distant from neglect. For overwhelming relationships, introduce gentle boundaries—suggest taking a brief break from constant contact or engaging in separate activities before reuniting. For distant relationships, make small gestures of reconnection like sending a thoughtful message or planning a simple get-together. Develop sensitivity to relationship temperature. When conversations feel forced or you're irritating each other over small things, this signals a need for space. When you find yourself genuinely missing someone's presence, it's time to reach out. Regular relationship check-ins prevent small issues from becoming major conflicts and keep your connections vibrant and sustainable.
Embracing Your Authentic Self
Authentic living requires liberating ourselves from others' opinions and embracing our own path. Three profound realizations can transform how we move through the world: people think about us far less than we imagine, not everyone needs to like us, and most of our seemingly selfless actions actually serve ourselves in some way. The first insight frees us from constant self-consciousness. You can't remember what your friend wore last week or exactly how she did her hair, so why assume she's scrutinizing your appearance? People are naturally absorbed in their own concerns and thoughts. This realization alone can eliminate hours of worry about how we're perceived by others. The second insight normalizes rejection and disagreement. Just as you don't connect with every person you meet, others won't necessarily connect with you. This isn't a personal failure but a natural aspect of human diversity. When someone dislikes you, it often says more about their preferences and experiences than about your worth. The third insight brings honest self-awareness to our motivations. When you pray for your family's wellbeing, part of that concern stems from needing them in your life. When you sacrifice for your children, you're also hoping they'll become the people you want them to be. This doesn't diminish the love in these actions, but recognizing our underlying self-interest prevents us from feeling martyred or expecting excessive gratitude. Begin implementing this freedom by making one decision this week based purely on your preferences rather than what others might think. Start small—choose a restaurant you genuinely want to try, wear something that makes you feel confident, or express an opinion you've been holding back. Notice how the world doesn't collapse when you prioritize your authentic desires. Create a weekly practice of doing something solely for your own joy without explaining or justifying it to anyone. This builds the muscle of self-trust and demonstrates that your happiness matters just as much as everyone else's.
Summary
The journey toward a more peaceful and fulfilling life begins with the profound realization that slowing down reveals treasures hidden in plain sight. As the author beautifully reminds us, "When your mind rests, the world also rests." This isn't mere philosophy but a practical truth that transforms how we experience each moment. By learning to befriend our emotions, balance our relationships, and live authentically, we discover that peace isn't found by escaping our circumstances but by changing our relationship to them. The practice is simple yet revolutionary: pause, breathe, and notice what's already present. Start today by choosing one moment when you feel rushed to consciously slow down and observe what becomes visible in that space of awareness—your life is waiting to be truly seen.
By Haemin Sunim
