How We Heal
Uncover Your Power and Set Yourself Free
Book Edition Details
Summary
Guided by the compassionate wisdom of Alexandra Elle, "How We Heal" is a transformative sanctuary for those yearning to mend the soul and reclaim tranquility. Within these pages, Elle unravels a tapestry of powerful self-healing practices, weaving together the threads of journaling, mindfulness, and boundary-setting into a nurturing embrace. Her unique five-part framework invites readers to embark on a personal odyssey, drawing strength from poignant personal narratives and the profound insights of fellow luminaries like Nedra Tawwab and Morgan Harper Nichols. With warmth and authenticity, Elle crafts an empowering guide that resonates deeply, especially for those who seek solace and growth amidst life's chaos. Perfect for anyone navigating anxiety, stress, or emotional turbulence, this book stands as a beacon of hope and resilience, promising not just a path to healing but a community of voices that echo with understanding and support.
Introduction
Your relationship with yourself is the longest one you'll ever have. Yet many of us move through life carrying wounds, stories, and patterns that no longer serve us, wondering why we feel stuck, afraid, or disconnected from our own power. The path to healing isn't about becoming perfect or erasing your past—it's about learning to meet yourself with compassion, uncovering your authentic voice, and creating space for the joy that's waiting on the other side of your pain. Through the simple yet profound act of putting pen to paper, you can begin to unpack what you've been carrying, rewrite the narratives that have held you back, and step into the fullness of who you're meant to be. This journey requires courage, but it promises something invaluable in return: the freedom to live as your most authentic, empowered self.
Starting from Scratch: Embracing Self-Forgiveness and New Beginnings
Starting from scratch doesn't mean you've failed—it means you're brave enough to begin again. Self-forgiveness is the cornerstone of all healing work, creating space for emotional expansion and genuine transformation. When we hold ourselves hostage to past mistakes or painful experiences, we block the very energy needed to move forward and grow. Alexandra Elle discovered this truth powerfully when she became a mother at eighteen, feeling broken and emotionally devastated. Despite years of therapy and personal growth work, she found herself at thirty still struggling to forgive her younger self for the choices that led to teen pregnancy. The breakthrough came when she finally broke down and said to herself, "I am so sorry for everything. I forgive you for everything. I'll love you through this." That moment of raw self-compassion became the foundation for everything that followed. This experience taught her that self-forgiveness isn't a one-time event—it's a practice that requires returning to again and again. Each time she faced a new trigger or setback, she had to consciously choose compassion over self-punishment, understanding over judgment. The transformation wasn't immediate, but it was profound. By laying down the armor of self-hatred, she created space for authentic healing to occur. To begin your own journey of self-forgiveness, start by identifying one significant moment in your life that still requires your attention. Write yourself a letter addressing everything from your failures to the things you couldn't control. Be raw, vulnerable, and honest about your feelings. Close the letter with a promise to forgive and love all the messy and tender parts of yourself, no matter what. Remember that forgiving yourself isn't about excusing harmful behavior or pretending pain didn't happen. It's about releasing the grip that shame and regret have on your present moment. When you stop punishing yourself for what you cannot change, you create space for new possibilities to emerge.
Befriending Your Fear: From Self-Doubt to Self-Love
Fear often masquerades as protection, but it frequently becomes the very thing that keeps us trapped. Learning to befriend your fear means approaching it with curiosity rather than avoidance, understanding that it often holds valuable information about what matters most to you. Self-doubt loses its power when you stop running from it and start listening to what it's trying to teach you. Elle recalls a formative childhood experience that planted seeds of fear that would flourish for decades. At ten years old, she was in her father's car as he drove recklessly on the interstate, steering with his knees while accelerating dangerously. Despite her terrified pleas for him to stop, he continued, leaving her feeling powerless and unsafe. This experience created a deep-seated fear around driving and situations beyond her control that followed her into adulthood. For over two decades, she rarely let anyone else drive, and when she did, her heart would race with anxiety. The fear affected her marriage and daily life until she finally wrote about it in her journal. By putting the experience on paper, naming it, and sharing it with her husband, she began to reclaim her power over this childhood trauma. Writing became the bridge between her past pain and present healing. The key to befriending fear lies in identifying what you're truly afraid of and understanding its origins. Create a safe space in your journal to explore your deepest fears without judgment. Ask yourself: What fear has been coming up most recently? What's your first memory of this fear? How is it affecting your ability to heal and grow? When you approach fear as a teacher rather than an enemy, you begin to see the gifts it offers. Fear often points toward what you value most and what you need to protect or nurture. By developing a relationship with your fear instead of fighting against it, you can transform it from a source of limitation into a compass for growth.
Reclaiming Your Power: Rewriting Your Story with Intention
You are not a victim of your past—you are the author of your future. Reclaiming your power means taking ownership of your narrative and choosing who you want to become, rather than remaining stuck in old patterns that no longer serve you. This process requires courage to face what you've been avoiding and wisdom to distinguish between what belongs to your story and what you've inherited from others. Elle's journey of reclaiming her power began when she realized she was suffocating in a life built on other people's expectations. Despite having achieved many of her goals, she found herself experiencing severe anxiety, depression, and even pulling her hair from her scalp as a coping mechanism. The breaking point came when her therapist reminded her, "You know the deal, Alex. You have the tools. Sometimes starting over is the only way to get back up." Through honest journaling, she began to identify what she wanted to be true in her life versus what she had been avoiding. She wrote down things like wanting to feel at ease in her mind while acknowledging she'd been avoiding medication, or wanting to be happier while recognizing she'd abandoned her gratitude practice. This clarity helped her understand that healing required not just words and wishes, but intentional action to support the changes she wanted to see. The transformation came through consistently choosing herself even when others didn't understand her journey. She lost friends and faced family confusion, but this isolation became the catalyst for true self-discovery. Learning to support herself emotionally without external validation taught her that the most profound healing happens when you're willing to stand alone in your truth. Start reclaiming your power by asking yourself three fundamental questions: What's hurting you? Where do you feel the most pain? How do you want to feel? Use these answers to dig deeper with follow-up questions about why these things hurt and how you want to see change manifest in your life. Remember that reclaiming your power isn't about becoming hard or closed off—it's about becoming discerning. You learn to honor your boundaries, trust your intuition, and make choices that align with your authentic self rather than your fears or others' expectations.
Healing Your Heart: Finding Joy and Releasing What No Longer Serves
Healing your heart isn't just about addressing pain—it's about making space for joy, gratitude, and the lightness that comes from releasing what no longer serves you. True healing creates room for the full spectrum of human experience, allowing you to feel deeply while also celebrating the beauty that surrounds you. This final phase of your journey is about integration and embracing the life that awaits on the other side of your healing work. During one of her darkest periods, Elle found herself struggling with severe anxiety and insomnia, feeling completely lost despite all her healing work. The breakthrough came when she started small, beginning with daily gratitude lists as her first step back toward wellness. What initially felt like an annoying requirement gradually became a lifeline that helped her see joy in simple things like having energy to get out of bed or eat a nourishing meal. This experience taught her that gratitude isn't about taking inventory of good things—it's about making space in your heart to experience the mundane moments fully. By practicing presence with both her pain and her small daily victories, she learned to live in the duality that healing offers. She could feel grief while also feeling grateful, experience anxiety while also noticing beauty. The practice evolved into actively releasing what no longer served her through a monthly ritual. She created a decorated jar labeled "I Am Letting Go" and spent thirty days writing down things she was ready to release—from limiting beliefs to toxic relationships to patterns of self-sabotage. At the end of each month, she would ceremonially acknowledge all she had released, making space for new possibilities to enter her life. Create your own releasing practice by identifying the stories, habits, and relationships that are keeping you stuck. Make this practice tactile and ritualistic—write them down, put them in a jar, and periodically celebrate your willingness to let go of what no longer serves you. Joy isn't the absence of struggle—it's the presence of meaning and connection despite life's challenges. As you heal your heart, give yourself permission to experience pleasure, to laugh, to dream, and to envision a future that excites you. You deserve not just to survive your pain, but to thrive beyond it.
Summary
Healing is not a destination but a lifelong practice of returning home to yourself with compassion, courage, and intention. Through the four pillars explored in this journey—embracing new beginnings through self-forgiveness, befriending your fear, reclaiming your authentic power, and making space for joy—you discover that the answers you seek already live within you. As Elle reminds us, "When we heal ourselves, we start healing our lineage, our communities, and ourselves. That, my friends, is a radical and necessary act." Your healing is not just personal—it's a gift to the world around you, showing others what's possible when someone chooses to break cycles and live authentically. Start today by picking up your pen and meeting yourself on the page exactly as you are, trusting that your willingness to begin is enough to set profound transformation in motion.
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By Alexandra Elle
