The 11 Laws of Likability
Relationship Networking … Because People Do Business with People They Like
Book Edition Details
Summary
In the world of business, connections are currency, and Michelle Tillis knows the art of investing wisely. As the mastermind behind Executive Essentials, she has transformed the way leaders forge relationships. Her book, "The 11 Laws of Likability," unravels the secret to crafting meaningful and enduring professional bonds. Tillis dismisses superficial networking, opting instead for authentic engagement that resonates on a personal level. With a treasure trove of self-assessment tools and anecdotes, she guides readers in uncovering their most appealing traits to forge genuine connections. This book isn't just about shaking hands; it's about creating alliances that inspire, support, and endure. Dive into Tillis's insightful narrative and discover a path to success paved with sincerity and mutual respect.
Introduction
In our hyperconnected world, we find ourselves surrounded by endless networking opportunities, social media platforms, and professional events, yet many of us struggle to form genuinely meaningful connections. The challenge isn't a lack of chances to meet people; it's knowing how to transform brief encounters into lasting relationships that enrich both our personal and professional lives. The secret lies not in perfecting elevator pitches or memorizing conversation starters, but in embracing a fundamental truth that many overlook: authenticity breeds connection, and connection creates opportunity. When we learn to show up as our genuine selves while genuinely caring about others, we unlock the power to build relationships that don't just advance our careers, but transform our entire approach to human interaction.
Be Your Authentic Self: The Foundation of Real Connection
Authenticity forms the bedrock of all meaningful connections, yet it's often the very thing we abandon when we feel pressure to impress others. The principle is elegantly simple: the real you is the best you. This isn't about being perfectly polished or having all the answers; it's about showing up genuinely and letting your natural personality shine through every interaction. Consider Samuel, a mid-level manager at a prestigious New York museum who had recently been promoted to the development team. Despite his genuine passion for the museum's mission, he felt overwhelmed by the networking requirements of his new role. At fund-raising events, he would force an unnatural laugh, plaster on a brittle smile, and try desperately to be what he thought a successful person in his position should be. The effort was exhausting, and worse, it wasn't working. The transformation came when Samuel stopped trying to be someone else and started leveraging his authentic strengths. Instead of forcing himself to work the entire room, he focused on what felt natural: having meaningful one-on-one conversations about the museum's exciting expansion plans. When he spoke from genuine enthusiasm rather than manufactured charm, potential donors could feel his sincere passion for the institution's mission. To embrace authenticity in your own interactions, start by identifying when you feel most naturally yourself. Pay attention to the situations where conversation flows easily and you feel energized rather than drained afterward. These moments reveal your authentic communication style. Then, instead of trying to fit into someone else's mold, find ways to bring that natural energy to challenging situations. If you're naturally reflective rather than outgoing, don't try to become the life of the party. Instead, focus on asking thoughtful questions and creating space for deeper conversations. Remember that authenticity doesn't mean sharing everything about yourself or being inappropriately casual in professional settings. It means aligning your external presentation with your internal truth while remaining appropriate to the context. When you operate from this place of genuine self-expression, people can sense it immediately, and they respond by opening up themselves, creating the foundation for real connection.
Master the Art of Conversation: Curiosity, Listening, and Finding Common Ground
Great conversations don't happen by accident; they emerge when we approach others with genuine curiosity and create space for mutual discovery. The most powerful conversation tool isn't a clever opening line or perfect small talk; it's authentic interest in understanding who someone is and what matters to them. Take the story of meeting Sylvia at a cocktail reception. What began as a brief exchange about her potential business launch could have remained surface-level networking. Instead, genuine curiosity transformed a potentially forgettable encounter into a meaningful professional relationship. By asking follow-up questions about her virtual assistant business, her work with teenagers, and her school programs, the conversation revealed unexpected connections and collaboration opportunities. This transformation happened because curiosity was paired with active listening. Rather than waiting for a turn to speak or mentally preparing the next question, true listening involves absorbing not just the words someone says, but the energy behind them, the challenges they're facing, and the passions that light them up. When Sylvia mentioned her workshop experience with teens, careful listening caught the excitement in her voice and recognized an opportunity for mutual benefit. To master this approach, start every conversation with genuine wonder about the other person's experience. Ask open-ended questions that begin with "what" or "how" rather than those that can be answered with simple yes or no responses. When someone shares something interesting, resist the urge to immediately relate it back to your own experience. Instead, probe deeper with phrases like "tell me more about that" or "what was that experience like for you?" Most importantly, listen for similarities that create natural bridges between your experiences and theirs. These connection points might be shared backgrounds, similar challenges, common interests, or parallel goals. When you discover these similarities, acknowledge them genuinely, but don't force the connection. Let it emerge naturally as you continue exploring each other's stories and perspectives.
Build Lasting Relationships: Following Up with Purpose and Patience
The most meaningful connections aren't built in single conversations; they develop through consistent, thoughtful follow-up that demonstrates genuine care for the other person's success and well-being. This requires moving beyond transactional thinking to embrace a mindset of generous relationship building. The relationship with Aaron, a director of learning and development, illustrates this principle perfectly. After submitting proposal after proposal without landing the contract, many would have given up and moved on to other prospects. Instead, the approach was to continue providing value regardless of immediate returns. When Aaron asked questions about training companies or sought industry insights, the response was always helpful and prompt, even recommending competitors when they were better fits for his needs. This pattern of giving without expectation continued for over a year. Resources were shared, vendor recommendations provided, and network connections leveraged to help Aaron find answers to his questions. There was no scorekeeping or passive-aggressive hints about all the free consulting being provided. The focus remained on being genuinely helpful. The breakthrough came not because of persistence in pitching, but because of consistency in adding value. When Aaron finally had a project that was the right fit, there was no question about who to call. The relationship had been built through dozens of small interactions that demonstrated reliability, expertise, and genuine care for his success. To implement this approach, shift your follow-up focus from what you can get to what you can give. After meeting someone, look for ways to add value to their work or life. This might mean sending a relevant article, making an introduction to someone in your network, or simply checking in during a challenging project they mentioned. The key is authentic generosity without keeping score or expecting immediate returns. Remember that relationship building requires patience. Some connections will yield immediate opportunities, while others may not bear fruit for years. The goal isn't to create a transactional exchange but to build a network of people who genuinely know, like, and trust you because of the consistent value you've brought to their lives.
Summary
Building authentic connections isn't about perfecting networking techniques or memorizing conversation scripts; it's about embracing the fundamental truth that "the real you is the best you" and approaching every interaction with genuine curiosity and care for others. When we show up authentically, listen deeply, and consistently add value to others' lives without expectation of return, we create the foundation for relationships that transform both our personal and professional worlds. The magic happens not in grand gestures or perfect presentations, but in the accumulated trust built through countless moments of genuine connection. Start today by choosing authenticity over performance, curiosity over agenda, and generosity over transaction. Your next meaningful relationship is just one genuine conversation away.
Related Books
Download PDF & EPUB
To save this Black List summary for later, download the free PDF and EPUB. You can print it out, or read offline at your convenience.
By Michelle Tillis Lederman
