Works Well With Others
An Outsider’s Guide to Shaking Hands, Shutting Up, Handling Jerks, and Other Crucial Skills in Business That No one Ever Teaches You
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Summary
In the labyrinth of corporate life, where self-doubt often shadows ambition, Ross McCammon emerges as both a guide and a comrade. With a candid wit honed from years of real-world encounters, McCammon charts his tumultuous rise from the uninspired halls of a suburban office to the bustling nerve center of Esquire. Through his eyes, the workplace transforms into a theater of unspoken rules and comedic missteps. Yet, within these tales of trial and triumph, he distills wisdom on navigating the unspoken nuances of professional etiquette. Whether you're grappling with the art of the handshake or the subtleties of office banter, "Works Well With Others" offers a refreshingly honest take on succeeding with grace in the modern work arena. It's a beacon for the ambitious yet unprepared, blending humor and insight into an indispensable manual for those seeking to thrive beyond the façade of confidence.
Introduction
Walking into that Manhattan office building for the first time, Ross McCammon felt like an impostor wearing the wrong shoes and carrying the wrong credentials. He wasn't alone in this feeling. Research shows that the majority of successful professionals experience what psychologists call "impostor phenomenon" - that nagging sense that you don't truly belong, that your achievements are somehow fraudulent, and that you're just moments away from being exposed as inadequate. But here's the remarkable truth McCammon discovered during his journey from a suburban Dallas magazine to the prestigious halls of Esquire: everyone feels like an outsider sometimes, and that feeling isn't a weakness to overcome - it's a strength to harness. The small customs of professional life, from handshakes to email etiquette, from navigating office politics to giving impromptu toasts, aren't mysterious rituals reserved for the naturally confident. They're learnable skills that can transform your career trajectory. The key isn't to fake confidence until you make it, but to embrace your outsider perspective while mastering the tactical elements that make others comfortable around you and signal your competence to the world.
Master the Small Things That Matter
Professional success often hinges not on grand gestures, but on seemingly minor interactions that accumulate into lasting impressions. The handshake, the entrance to a room, the way you order a drink at a business dinner - these moments carry far more weight than most people realize, precisely because they happen so quickly and reveal so much about your confidence and social awareness. McCammon learned this lesson the hard way when he met Kanye West backstage at a Nassau Coliseum concert in 2011. Despite West's reputation as an egomaniacal celebrity, his handshake was masterful - a perfect demonstration of what McCammon calls the "Westian Pump." As West extended his hand, he synchronized his grip with his words: "I'm Kanye. I like your magazine." Four pumps, four words, approximately one second of interaction that conveyed respect, confidence, and genuine engagement. The encounter lasted mere moments, yet it left McCammon with a profound understanding of how small gestures can create powerful impressions. The contrast became even clearer when McCammon later encountered a motivational speaker whose handshake violated every principle of effective human connection. This person held McCammon's hand far too long while repeating his name multiple times, creating an uncomfortable intimacy that felt manipulative rather than meaningful. The difference wasn't in technique alone, but in authenticity and respect for boundaries. The mechanics of a proper handshake are straightforward: maintain eye contact, use firm pressure without crushing, execute three to four quick pumps, and release cleanly. But the underlying principle extends far beyond hand-to-hand contact. Every small interaction is an opportunity to demonstrate competence, consideration, and confidence. Whether you're entering a conference room, responding to an email, or making small talk in an elevator, approach these moments with the same intentionality you'd bring to a major presentation. Practice viewing yourself through others' eyes during these micro-interactions. Are you fully present, or are you already thinking about your next meeting? Do your actions convey respect for the other person's time and attention? Remember that mastering the small things isn't about perfection - it's about consistency and genuine engagement that builds trust over time.
Navigate Social Dynamics with Confidence
The unspoken rules of workplace social dynamics can feel like an elaborate dance where everyone else seems to know the steps. Understanding these dynamics isn't about manipulation or playing games - it's about recognizing that every workplace operates as a complex social ecosystem with its own patterns, hierarchies, and expectations. McCammon discovered this during his early days at Esquire when he regularly attended production meetings that felt more like performance evaluations. He initially approached these gatherings as opportunities to demonstrate his knowledge and dedication by providing detailed explanations of his projects. However, he quickly realized he was violating an unspoken protocol. His colleagues expected brief, confident updates - "It's great," followed by silence - rather than lengthy justifications. His well-intentioned thoroughness was actually signaling uncertainty and consuming valuable meeting time. The revelation came when McCammon observed how the most respected editors communicated. They spoke with economy and precision, understanding that discretion often carried more weight than disclosure. They had mastered what he calls "The Score" - an awareness of who held power, what leverage people possessed, who was actually making decisions, and how information flowed through the organization. This wasn't about office politics in a scheming sense, but about professional intelligence that informed better decision-making. Learning to read social dynamics requires shifting from participant to observer during workplace interactions. Notice who speaks first in meetings, whose opinions carry weight, and how decisions actually get made versus how they're officially supposed to get made. Pay attention to energy levels - when people seem engaged versus when they're simply going through the motions. The key insight is that social dynamics aren't fixed systems to be decoded once and forgotten. They shift constantly based on projects, personalities, and organizational changes. Stay curious rather than assuming you've figured everything out. Ask thoughtful questions, listen more than you speak, and remember that your outsider perspective can actually be an advantage in seeing patterns that insiders might miss.
Communicate Authentically in Any Situation
Authentic communication in professional settings requires a delicate balance between being genuine and being appropriate. The challenge isn't to become someone else, but to present the best version of yourself while respecting the context and needs of your audience. This becomes particularly complex when you're in situations where you feel out of your depth or uncertain about expectations. McCammon faced this challenge dramatically during his first dinner with Esquire colleagues, when someone asked for his opinion on Werner Herzog's work. Rather than admitting his ignorance, he attempted to bluff his way through with meaningless phrases like "his recent stuff has moved the needle" - language he'd never used before and never used again. The table went quiet, and he spent the rest of the evening marginalized from conversations, having lost credibility through attempted deception rather than honest engagement. The painful lesson taught him that authenticity doesn't mean sharing every thought or feeling, but it does mean being truthful about your knowledge and limitations. When he later interviewed celebrities and business leaders, he found that admitting ignorance often led to the most interesting conversations. Asking "How does modeling actually work?" to supermodel Bar Refaeli resulted in a fascinating technical discussion that revealed insights no scripted interview would have captured. Years later, when interviewing 50 Cent, McCammon was nervous about discussing sensitive topics like crime and violence. But the rapper immediately put him at ease with a simple statement: "This is going to be an interesting interview." That acknowledgment of mutual investment in creating something meaningful transformed the dynamic from interrogation to collaboration. Develop comfort with phrases like "I don't know," "Can you explain that?" and "I'm not familiar with that." These aren't admissions of weakness - they're demonstrations of intellectual curiosity and honesty that most people find refreshing. Focus on being interested rather than trying to be interesting, and remember that genuine questions often lead to more engaging conversations than prepared talking points.
Embrace Your Outsider Status
The instinct to minimize or hide your outsider status is natural but counterproductive. Your different background, perspective, and experience aren't obstacles to overcome - they're advantages that bring fresh insights and authentic energy to environments that might otherwise become stagnant or insular. The key is learning to leverage these differences rather than apologize for them. McCammon's outsider credentials were extensive: a degree from the University of North Texas rather than an Ivy League school, experience at an in-flight magazine rather than a prestigious publication, and a background in suburban Dallas rather than media centers. When Hearst recruited him, his initial reaction was to assume it was a mistake. His first instinct was to minimize these differences, to try to blend in rather than stand out. But over time, he realized that these very qualities were what made him valuable to the organization. The breakthrough came during his interview process, when he stopped trying to present himself as someone he wasn't and started being genuinely grateful for the opportunity. His closing statement - "If you throw me out of your office right now, this will have been the best thing that's ever happened to me" - captured both humility and enthusiasm in a way that impressed his future boss more than any carefully crafted answer could have. His outsider perspective allowed him to see patterns and ask questions that insiders might miss. When profiling celebrities, his genuine curiosity about their actual work processes led to more authentic interviews than seasoned entertainment reporters often achieved. His unfamiliarity with certain cultural references forced him to ask fundamental questions that revealed deeper truths. The research supports this approach. Studies show that diverse perspectives improve decision-making and problem-solving in organizations. Your outsider status isn't a deficit to overcome - it's a competitive advantage to embrace. Instead of trying to prove you belong, focus on contributing unique value that only your background and perspective can provide.
Summary
The journey from outsider to insider isn't about transformation - it's about recognition. As McCammon discovered through years of navigating professional challenges, "Everyone is weird and nervous. No matter how famous or important, everyone is just really weird and really nervous. Especially the people who don't seem weird or nervous." This insight reveals that the insider-outsider distinction is largely illusory, maintained by shared anxiety rather than actual differences in belonging or competence. Success comes not from hiding your uncertainties, but from channeling them into curiosity, preparation, and authentic engagement. The small customs of professional life - from handshakes to email etiquette - are simply tools that allow your genuine capabilities to shine through. Your outsider perspective isn't something to overcome; it's the very thing that makes you valuable to organizations that need fresh thinking and authentic energy. Start today by approaching one professional interaction with complete authenticity - admit what you don't know, ask genuine questions, and trust that your curiosity and sincerity are more powerful than any performance of confidence could ever be.
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By Ross McCammon
