A Really Good Day
How Microdosing Made a Mega Difference in My Mood, My Marriage, and My Life
Book Edition Details
Summary
At a crossroads of despair and discovery, Ayelet Waldman dares to tread a path less taken. With mood swings that threaten to upend her life and conventional treatments failing her, she opts for an audacious experiment: microdosing LSD. From the moment a mysterious vial marked by the whimsical alias "Lewis Carroll" arrives, Waldman embarks on a month-long odyssey that blends personal reflection with a deep dive into the lore of psychedelics. Her narrative is a tapestry woven with threads of humor, historical insight, and a candid exploration of mental health. As she navigates bursts of creativity, sleepless nights, and the quest for inner peace, readers are invited to ponder the boundaries of medicine and the myths surrounding it. "A Really Good Day" isn't just a chronicle of one woman's quest for stability; it's a provocative conversation starter about the therapeutic potential of forbidden substances.
Introduction
Sarah stared at the small blue bottle on her kitchen counter, her hands trembling slightly as she read the instructions one more time. After years of failed antidepressants, therapy sessions that felt endless, and watching her mood swings affect everyone she loved, she was about to try something radical. The tiny drops in that bottle represented more than just another treatment option—they symbolized hope for finding balance in a life that had felt increasingly out of control. Mental health struggles touch millions of people worldwide, yet traditional treatments often fall short, leaving individuals frustrated with side effects, limited effectiveness, or both. This exploration into alternative approaches reveals a fascinating intersection between cutting-edge science and personal healing, where ancient wisdom meets modern research. Through meticulous documentation of personal experience, rigorous scientific investigation, and honest reflection on societal attitudes toward consciousness-altering substances, we discover new pathways to emotional well-being. This journey challenges our preconceptions about mental health treatment while offering hope for those seeking relief from depression, anxiety, and mood disorders that conventional medicine has failed to address effectively.
The Experiment Begins: Days of Discovery and Doubt
The first morning arrived with a mixture of scientific curiosity and genuine terror. Following the protocol precisely, she measured exactly two drops of the diluted solution under her tongue, then went about her normal routine—making breakfast, checking emails, walking the dog. What happened next surprised her completely. Within two hours, the world seemed slightly more vibrant. Colors appeared richer, sounds clearer, and for the first time in months, she felt genuinely present in her own life. The jasmine outside her window carried a fragrance that seemed to tell stories, and even mundane tasks felt imbued with gentle purpose. But the early days brought challenges alongside revelations. Sleep became elusive on dosing days, leaving her wide awake at three in the morning, mind racing not with anxiety but with unusual clarity. Some mornings brought unexpected nausea, and certain days carried an edge of irritability that felt different from her usual patterns—sharper but somehow more manageable. The careful documentation required by the protocol became both anchor and mirror, reflecting back patterns she had never noticed in her emotional landscape. What struck her most was the subtlety of the changes. Unlike prescription medications that often announced their presence with obvious side effects, this intervention whispered rather than shouted. On good days, she simply found herself more patient with her children, more creative in her work, more present in conversations. The transformation felt less like becoming a different person and more like remembering who she was underneath years of accumulated emotional debris. These initial discoveries illuminate how healing sometimes arrives not as dramatic revelation but as gentle redirection. The process of paying attention—to mood, to body, to the quality of daily interactions—becomes as therapeutic as any substance. When we approach our mental health with both scientific rigor and compassionate curiosity, we open possibilities that exist beyond the narrow corridors of conventional treatment.
Finding Balance: Love, Work, and Chemical Courage
The kitchen argument started over something trivial—whose turn it was to load the dishwasher—but escalated with the familiar intensity that had characterized their relationship struggles for months. Yet something felt different this time. Instead of the usual spiral into blame and defensiveness, she found herself pausing mid-sentence, taking a breath, actually listening to her husband's frustration rather than preparing her counterattack. The space between trigger and response, usually nonexistent, had somehow expanded just enough to allow choice. Her work life underwent an equally surprising transformation. Writing, which had become a daily battle against procrastination and self-doubt, began flowing with unexpected ease. She would sit down at her desk and discover hours had passed without her notice, lost in what psychologists call the flow state—that rare condition where time disappears and creativity emerges effortlessly. The harsh internal critic that usually accompanied every sentence seemed to have taken an extended vacation, replaced by a gentle curiosity about where her thoughts might lead. The changes rippled outward into relationships with friends, colleagues, even strangers. Conversations felt richer, more authentic. She found herself genuinely listening instead of waiting for her turn to speak, asking questions that emerged from real interest rather than social obligation. Her children began commenting on her increased patience, her husband noted her newfound ability to let disagreements resolve without hours of tension. Even mundane interactions—with checkout clerks, phone representatives, neighbors—carried a warmth that surprised everyone involved. This emerging emotional stability revealed how interconnected our relationships really are. When one person in a family system finds greater balance, the entire network begins to shift toward health. The courage to experiment with alternative approaches to mental wellness becomes an act of service not just to ourselves but to everyone whose lives intersect with ours. True healing happens in the context of community, and individual transformation inevitably becomes collective healing.
The Science of Change: Research, Risk, and Revelation
Deep within the laboratories of prestigious universities, researchers were documenting something remarkable. Brain scans of subjects who had received therapeutic doses of psychedelic compounds showed increased connectivity between regions that normally remained isolated, as if the brain's typical boundaries had become more permeable. The default mode network—responsible for self-referential thinking and often overactive in depression—showed decreased activity, while areas associated with creativity and emotional processing lit up with new patterns of communication. The clinical trials unfolding at Johns Hopkins, UCLA, and NYU were revealing results that challenged decades of assumptions about mental health treatment. Cancer patients facing terminal diagnoses, after a single guided session with psilocybin, reported profound reductions in anxiety and depression that lasted months. Veterans with treatment-resistant PTSD found relief through MDMA-assisted therapy where traditional approaches had failed. Addiction researchers documented success rates far exceeding conventional rehabilitation programs. The emerging data suggested that these substances might work not by suppressing symptoms but by facilitating fundamental shifts in perspective. Yet the research also highlighted the critical importance of set and setting—the internal psychological state and external environment in which these experiences unfold. The same compound that could catalyze healing in a supportive clinical environment might produce distress in chaotic circumstances. This finding underscored something profound: healing happens not just through chemistry but through the entire context surrounding that chemistry. The therapeutic relationship, the physical environment, the cultural attitudes, the sense of safety and support—all became integral to the treatment itself. The scientific renaissance happening around these compounds represents more than just new treatment options; it signals a fundamental shift in how we understand consciousness, mental health, and healing itself. When rigorous research meets ancient wisdom, when clinical trials validate practices that indigenous cultures have honored for centuries, we glimpse the possibility of medical approaches that treat not just symptoms but the whole human being in relationship with their community and environment.
Beyond Prohibition: A Future of Healing and Hope
The conversation with the dinner guests revealed how deeply cultural fears about consciousness-altering substances run through society. Despite decades of evidence about the relative safety of many psychedelic compounds, despite growing research demonstrating their therapeutic potential, the mere mention of personal experimentation triggered visible discomfort. Their reaction reflected a broader societal trauma around the War on Drugs—a decades-long campaign that transformed substances once studied by respected researchers into symbols of moral failure and social decay. Yet around the world, attitudes were shifting. Portugal's decriminalization of all drugs had not led to increased addiction rates but to improved public health outcomes. Swiss heroin-assisted treatment programs were demonstrating that providing pure substances in clinical settings could help people reclaim their lives rather than destroying them. Cities across America were voting to decriminalize psilocybin mushrooms, recognizing their potential for healing rather than harm. The conversation was evolving from one of punishment to one of health, from criminalization to compassion. The personal journey through microdosing had revealed something crucial about the nature of healing itself. The tiny doses hadn't produced dramatic mystical experiences or earth-shattering revelations. Instead, they had created space—space between stimulus and response, space for reflection rather than reaction, space for choosing different patterns of thought and behavior. The real transformation hadn't come from the substance alone but from the combination of chemical intervention, therapeutic work, mindful attention, and supportive relationships. Looking toward the future, the integration of psychedelic medicine into mainstream healthcare offers hope for millions struggling with mental health conditions that conventional treatments cannot adequately address. But this future requires more than just changing laws or training doctors—it demands a fundamental shift in how we understand consciousness, healing, and human potential. The path forward leads not to chemical fixes but to approaches that honor the complexity of human experience while offering gentle tools for transformation.
Summary
The journey through thirty days of careful experimentation reveals that healing rarely arrives as dramatic breakthrough but rather as gradual awakening to possibilities that were always present but previously obscured. The most profound discoveries emerge not from the substance itself but from the quality of attention brought to each moment, each interaction, each choice. When we approach our emotional lives with both scientific rigor and compassionate curiosity, we create conditions where transformation becomes possible—not just for ourselves but for everyone whose lives intersect with ours. The courage to explore alternative approaches to mental wellness becomes an act of hope that ripples outward, challenging societal assumptions while opening new pathways to healing. True recovery happens in relationship, supported by community, guided by wisdom that honors both ancient understanding and modern research, ultimately reminding us that the capacity for positive change lies not in any external intervention alone but in our willingness to show up fully to our own experience and trust in the possibility of better days ahead.
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By Ayelet Waldman
