Relationship Goals
How to Win at Dating, Marriage, and Sex
Book Edition Details
Summary
In the chaotic dance of modern relationships, where hashtags often replace heartfelt connections, Michael Todd offers a breath of authenticity. His debut book, "Relationship Goals," transforms the viral energy of his sermon series into a profound exploration of love, friendship, and faith. Todd, with disarming honesty and spiritual insight, lays out a map for nurturing relationships that truly thrive. Through personal anecdotes of heartbreak and renewal, he tackles the common missteps that hinder us and shares actionable advice to align our relationship goals with divine wisdom. It’s not just about aiming for love; it’s about aiming right. Embark on this transformative journey to build bonds that flourish in truth and abundance, and redefine what real relationship goals mean for you.
Introduction
Are you tired of repeating the same relationship patterns, wondering why love feels so elusive despite your best efforts? Perhaps you've scrolled through social media, seeing picture-perfect couples with their hashtag relationship goals, questioning whether lasting love is even possible in today's world. The truth is, most of us never received a proper roadmap for building healthy, meaningful relationships. We've learned from movies, failed examples, and cultural messages that leave us more confused than confident. But what if there's a better way? What if the key to transforming your relational life lies not in following the crowd, but in aligning your heart with timeless principles that actually work? Whether you're single and searching, dating with purpose, or married and looking to strengthen your bond, the journey toward authentic, life-giving relationships begins with understanding your true worth and learning to aim at the right target.
Discover Your Purpose Before Finding Your Person
Before you can build meaningful relationships with others, you must first understand who you are as an individual. Purpose isn't something you stumble upon by accident or discover through another person's validation. It's a divine calling that God plants within you, waiting to be cultivated during your season of singleness. This foundational principle challenges our culture's message that being single is somehow incomplete or less valuable than being coupled. Consider Diamond, a successful finance manager who found herself trapped in destructive relationship patterns after experiencing abuse as a teenager. She had learned to medicate her pain through wild partying and multiple sexual relationships, believing she needed to be with someone at all times to feel worthy. After finding Christ, Diamond made a radical decision that changed everything. She chose to stop dating entirely for several years, focusing instead on healing from her past and discovering her God-given identity. During this intentional season of singleness, Diamond transferred universities, earned her master's degree, and built a thriving career. More importantly, she learned to see herself through God's eyes rather than through the validation of men. When she finally began dating again, it was from a position of wholeness rather than desperation. She now knew exactly what kind of partner would complement her purpose rather than distract from it. The path to discovering your purpose involves three key actions during singleness. First, invest in what you want to see grow in your life, whether that's education, skills, or character development. Second, imagine who you could become if you started pursuing God's dreams for you today. Third, inspire others by using your current gifts and experiences to make a difference in their lives. Remember, you can love others only to the degree that you love yourself, and you can truly love yourself only when you understand how deeply God loves you. Diamond's story demonstrates that singleness isn't a prison sentence you're serving while waiting for rescue. It's a precious gift that allows you to build the foundation for all your future relationships. Use this time wisely, and you'll discover that the right person is often found on the other side of discovering your right purpose.
Practice Intentional Dating That Leads to Marriage
Dating in today's culture has become recreational rather than purposeful, leaving countless hearts broken and dreams shattered. Recreational dating treats relationships like entertainment, jumping from person to person without clear direction or commitment. This approach creates what we call the dating deficit, where you invest significant emotional energy but rarely receive the lasting love you're seeking. Intentional dating, however, operates with a clear goal in mind: determining whether this person is someone you could marry. Brandon and Taylor exemplify this transformation beautifully. Both had histories of destructive relationships involving sexual immorality, criminal activity, and emotional damage. Brandon struggled with his identity and authority issues from previous same-sex relationships, while Taylor battled trust problems from her involvement with dangerous men. When they met at church, they knew they needed a completely different approach to relationship building. Rather than diving into physical intimacy or exclusive commitment, they embarked on a ninety-day intentional friendship program. During this period, they shared their deepest fears about relationships, established clear physical boundaries, and engaged in focused conversations using relationship books as guides. They spent time getting to know each other's character, values, and life goals without the pressure of romantic expectations or sexual tension clouding their judgment. The process requires three essential steps. First, discuss your relationship fears openly, creating accountability and protecting each other's hearts from the beginning. Second, agree on specific boundaries including curfews, physical limits, and situations you'll avoid to maintain purity. Third, have focused conversations using tools like The Five Love Languages to understand how each person gives and receives love. This approach helps you pay attention to patterns rather than potential, ensuring compatibility beyond initial attraction. Brandon and Taylor's intentional approach led to a strong marriage because they built friendship first, established trust through transparency, and maintained their individual relationships with God throughout the process. Their story proves that taking time to date intentionally, even when it feels slow, prevents the heartache of discovering incompatibility after you've already given away pieces of your heart.
Create Sacred Boundaries and Break Unhealthy Soul Ties
Every sexual encounter creates an invisible but powerful connection called a soul tie, binding two people together spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. These connections were designed by God to strengthen marriage relationships, but when formed outside of covenant, they become weights that slow down your progress toward your divine purpose. Understanding and breaking these unhealthy ties is crucial for anyone wanting to build pure, life-giving relationships. Caleb's story reveals the devastating power of unbroken soul ties. Even after marrying his beloved Chloe, he couldn't resist returning to his ex-girlfriend Jasmine. The invisible cords connecting him to Jasmine were stronger than his marriage vows because he had never properly severed them. He found himself using words of false intimacy with Jasmine, telling her things like "we're perfect for each other" and "nobody understands me like you do," which only strengthened their unhealthy bond. This soul tie nearly destroyed his marriage and left both him and Chloe devastated. The destruction escalated when Chloe discovered Caleb's betrayal just weeks after their wedding. What should have been their honeymoon phase became a year and a half of separation, counseling, and painful rebuilding. Caleb finally realized that his inability to break free from Jasmine wasn't just a lack of willpower, it was a spiritual bondage that required intentional action to sever. Breaking soul ties requires four deliberate steps. First, call it what it is, refusing to romanticize relationships that are actually stealing from your future. Second, confess it to a trusted counselor, friend, or mentor, because healing happens in relationship and God can't heal what you won't reveal. Third, cancel everything that reminds you of the unhealthy connection, including gifts, photos, and shared accounts, even if it's inconvenient. Fourth, cast your anxiety and pain onto God through prayer, trusting Him to carry what you cannot. Remember that your most important soul tie is with Christ, and His resurrection power is stronger than any sexual bondage. When you surrender your sexuality to God and leverage your connection with Him, you can break free from ties that have held you back for years. The same power that raised Jesus from the dead can help you manage your body and emotions while you're living.
Build a God-Centered Marriage Triangle That Lasts
The strongest marriages aren't built on the equation of two halves making a whole, but rather on the foundation of 1 + 1 + 1 = 1. One whole man plus one whole woman plus God in their midst creates one healthy, lasting marriage. This triangle structure provides the stability and strength necessary for relationships that reflect Christ's love for the church and endure through all of life's challenges. Consider the practical wisdom that saved Michael and Natalie's marriage when they learned about love languages. Michael thought Natalie loved receiving gifts, so he would buy her expensive shoes and jewelry, only to receive lukewarm responses. Meanwhile, Natalie's primary love languages were actually quality time and acts of service. She would have preferred him to spend focused time with her or help with household tasks rather than spend money at the mall. Similarly, Michael's top needs were physical touch and words of affirmation, but Natalie had to learn creative ways to meet these needs, including putting encouraging Post-it notes on his bathroom mirror. Their breakthrough came when they realized that marriage requires understanding each other's specific needs rather than assuming everyone receives love the same way. Women typically need security, affection, and communication from their husbands, while men typically need honor, support, and physical intimacy from their wives. These aren't wants or bonuses, but actual needs that must be met for the marriage to thrive emotionally and spiritually. The triangle structure works because as each spouse draws closer to God individually, they also draw closer to each other. This isn't a competition to see who's more spiritual, but a cooperative journey where both partners encourage each other's growth. God provides the love, wisdom, and strength needed to sacrifice for each other when natural human selfishness would otherwise take over. Building this triangle requires three ongoing commitments. First, acknowledge God's ownership of your marriage through regular prayer and submission to biblical principles. Second, nurture both your relationship with God and your relationship with your spouse through intentional time, service, and generosity. Third, evolve together as you discover more about God's plan and each other's changing needs throughout different life seasons. The beauty of God's design is that marriage becomes a living picture of His faithful love, showing the world what unconditional commitment looks like. When couples maintain their triangle structure through difficulties, they create a legacy of hope that transforms not only their own lives but also influences everyone around them toward authentic, lasting love.
Summary
Building relationships that truly honor God and transform your life requires intentional choices that often run counter to cultural norms and expectations. The journey begins with embracing your singleness as a gift rather than a burden, using this precious time to discover your God-given purpose and build a strong foundation of self-worth rooted in Christ's love. As the author reminds us, "God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him," which means you're not alone in this transformation process. Whether you're learning to date with clear boundaries and marriage in mind, breaking free from soul ties that have held you back, or building a God-centered marriage that reflects divine love, every step forward is possible when you align your heart with eternal principles. Take one concrete action today: identify the relationship area where you most need God's guidance, then commit to thirty days of daily prayer and Scripture reading focused on that specific need, trusting that the same power that transforms hearts can transform your relational future.
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By Michael Todd
